Farm visit leads to birds-and-bees talk

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 29/05/2019 (2695 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I grew up on a farm, so I knew very early about the birds and the bees (and the cows, horses, roosters and runaway chickens).

Last weekend, I took my kids out for a drive to a friend’s farm and they saw two large animals mating. The kids said it looked “horrible” and “nasty,” and my youngest said “the mommy was screaming.”

I tried to explain things the best I could on the way home, but they said, “Don’t bother, Dad. We’re telling Mom.” My kids are in grades 4 and 5. I could see they were totally freaked out. How do I turn this around?

— Upset Dad, Winnipeg

Dear Upset: Hopefully, you and your wife can talk to the kids together. This could be your chance to explain the human way of procreating. Here’s a little script from me from which you can create your own:

“In nature, when it comes to making babies, most animals just have to get the job done and the males and females are not necessarily ‘friends’ or ‘mates.’ They may not even know each other and come from another farm.

“But don’t worry. Most animal mothers feel instant love and protectiveness towards their babies, though the males don’t usually have a part in this. The males may have to mate with many different females as part of their function on a farm.”

Now here’s a bridge for your explanation: “That’s what makes people special. When people take time to become close and loving and protective of each other, they can make babies in a way that’s actually much more fun and happy and joyful than animals’ experience.” Good luck with this.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a bad boyfriend, but he’s better than the last one, who was a drug user and lived off me. This new guy drinks, but he has a full-time job. I thought he was so much better, but now I’ve found evidence that he is also seeing an old girlfriend, and I know her reputation.

According to my counsellor, this means I’ve made progress but need to move onwards and upwards again. I’m getting so tired. I don’t want to start dating again. What should I do?

— Always Missing Something, Downtown

Dear Missing: A lot of people don’t spend enough time getting to know somebody over coffee and other activities before they become a couple. In fact, some young women tell me they always have sex first and if the guy passes that test, they continue the relationship. The sad thing is, lots of guys aren’t at their best the first time with a new woman and are shown the door before they have time to relax and know how to please her.

Other women wait a few dates, have sex and then consider themselves a couple, even if the guy doesn’t think that yet. This may be what happened to you.

The best way to find love is to become friends with a guy who’s attractive to you and with whom you share some mutual interests. If he turns out to be a good friend, can keep a job and isn’t into drugs or alcohol, then you start dating and bonding, and have sex at some point.

Take this approach and you’re much more likely to have a successful love relationship.

Please send your letters or comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography