Mild-mannered Clark Kent type truly is a Superman

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/06/2019 (2637 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with a Superwoman type of lady. I’m more like Clark Kent than Superman, so I don’t know what she sees in me. But, she seems to adore me. Just luck. I guess.

As a joke, I even got the black-rimmed Clark Kent glasses and she thought that was “a cool move” and told everyone.

I was thinking for her birthday I should rent a Superman outfit and wear it in the bedroom to make her laugh. (Or, in my wildest nerd dreams, make her crazy for my body.) My physique isn’t bad, but I could do with six months of working out at a gym.

Do you think she will laugh at me if I try the Superman fantasy thing? Am I a fool? — Not Really Superman, Broadway

Dear Superman: Do the Superman fantasy act and don’t be apologetic. Be funny. Jump up and down on the bed. Reach down and kiss her upturned face. She may fall in love with you that very moment, if she already hasn’t.

What a sweetheart you are. No, this girlfriend won’t laugh AT you, but she might smile — because you’re going to look plenty appealing doing this for her.

She will remember this forever, if she’s the nice lady she seems. I hope everything, er, comes off alright. Let us know how it goes.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Canada Day is coming and my visiting boyfriend is American. We’re going to be in the city and he’s expecting Canadian flags flying from every house and civic building and people singing O Canada everywhere and one great big ol’ show of patriotism.

How can I tell my sweetie we Canadians aren’t nationalistic to the extent Americans are, we don’t fly the flag from every tree and we only have about 20-minute fireworks displays at designated parks?

He told me this morning, “I’m really looking forward to this visit and seeing my first Canada Day.” “Right,” I thought. “See what, exactly?” — Worried Canadian Girlfriend, Winnipeg South

Dear Worried: Canada Day is more than you seem to realize, girlfriend. True, he won’t see as many flags, but he will see a lot fun celebrations.

Be sure to hit The Forks with him, with different entertainment acts onstage hourly — lots of well-known bands. Then there’s the Splash Dash river tour with a historical commentary — a whole other look at the city.

Also take your man to the legislature, with tours starting July 1 for the summer on an hourly basis from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.

Also, Osborne Village has a great little fair every year — the street is blocked off for a couple of blocks with bands and stalls and shops and restaurants.

And, don’t forget the fireworks at The Forks at 11 p.m. when it’s finally dark enough. Your boyfriend will have a great time. Get him his own Canadian flag to wave whenever he gets the urge.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had something bad happen at a picnic with a bunch of new “friends” from my new sport. I threw up violently as did one other person — something in the food we ate.

The other person survived it, with lots of laughs and help from friends. I was pretty much left alone and felt kind of ignored by the in-crowd. I even had to lie down on the ground for a while and no one thought to check on me or offer me a wet cloth for my forehead, like the other person got.

Now I don’t know if I want to continue with the sport because of this. I love the sport itself, but feel crushed by what happened. — Tempted to Quit, Winnipeg

Dear Tempted: Throwing up is embarrassing, and people who didn’t know you well might have felt you wouldn’t want attention over this — or they may be in-crowd jerks.

If you like this sport so much, give it a try for another few weeks and, if you still feel left out, find another team to join.

This is not a serious job where you have to push through for the greater good of a project. This is supposed to be a learning experience for you, as well as a sport for your fitness and fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography