Regain family’s trust by breaking drug habit

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 26/09/2019 (2559 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I stole $50 from my brother and he found it under my mattress before I could pay my dealer. My brother told our parents.

So I worked hard last weekend on my family’s acreage, cutting grass and doing a lot of lifting. Dad paid me only $35, but I had $15. I phoned my dealer and met him on my bike, paid him and barely avoided getting beat up.

My dad told my brother he had suspected I was doing drugs a while ago.

I’m not hooked on anything. My question is, how do I get my dad’s and brother’s trust back? They don’t think drugs are cool.

— Younger Bro, Winnipeg

Dear Younger Bro: Go to your big brother, admit you owed a dealer $50 for drugs he had advanced you — and you’d get beaten up for not paying. Then tell your brother and father you’re going to stop doing drugs — and actually stop. That’s how you can regain their trust. Remember, asking for forgiveness won’t go far without a heartfelt apology.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend lost his job and his sexual desire for me at the same time. He came home three weeks ago, threw his suit jacket on the couch and said, “I got fired.” Then he went on to eat everything in the fridge and drink six beers.

From that time on, he lost his abilities as a lover. To me, losing the job is not the biggest tragedy in the world. I told him I make enough money to cover our bills and said a part-time job would be fine. He grunted and went back to watching reruns of Game of Thrones.

He comes to bed only after I’m asleep now. If I reach out for him in the morning, he pushes me away. What can I do? I’m ready to throw in the towel on our relationship. He’s acting like such a loser.

— Full-Time Nurse, City Centre

Dear Nurse: The problem? He’s lost his self-respect as a man. His ego is bruised. That has translated to feeling limp and powerless from head to toe with stops in between. Also, he feels he doesn’t deserve to touch you.

You need to confront him about getting a job hunt started, and offer to pitch in and help. But first you need to ask this question: what would you really want to try for, career-wise, if schooling and money were no object? Then you can get busy and look for a path to that kind of work because you are not too depressed to do initial research.

That’s how partners work in times of trouble. Also, insist he tell you what he did to get fired. Anything in particular? Or did he just slack off because he was bored, and became so unproductive he got the boot? Is he perhaps feeling like a jerk for that?

This man needs hope and a renewed feeling of purpose to resurrect his Johnson. Help him find that hope. If it requires schooling as a pathway to a career he’d really like, and he goes after that, Mr. Johnson will probably be up for the challenge again.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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