Third time will not be a charm

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This article was published 15/02/2020 (2372 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How many times should a guy ask a woman out before he gives up? The first time I asked this attractive, divorced woman out, she told me she had something already planned with her kids. I understood that. 

I tried asking again on the Wednesday before the next weekend, and she said she was busy with her girlfriends. Is the third time a charm, or would it just be a big mistake?

— Trying To Connect With a Beautiful Lady, Osborne Village

Dear Trying: If she also wanted to see you, she would have offered an alternative date for at least a drink or coffee the second time you called. Her excuse about the girlfriends sounded pretty weak. A woman who’s interested in you wouldn’t need an entire weekend open to see girlfriends.

She’s not likely to say straight up she’s not interested in you. But two excuses, with no invitation to meet on a day when she is available for a couple of hours, is a pretty strong hint you should forget about her. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My relative won a lot of money in a lottery. He does not talk about it, and does not share It. My whole life, I have included him in our lives through all of his issues. I have always loved all of my family. I find myself feeling resentful. 

Is this just greed creeping in, or am I wrong to suddenly feel like “$&@#  you”? I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I cant seem to shake it. Any advice?

—Creeping Greed? Manitoba

Dear Creeping: You said “relative” not a close family member and there’s a difference. A lot of people would share with someone in their close family — parents, brothers and sisters. And some people, oddly enough, would not share a penny with anyone. Their attitude is “I bought the ticket and I won it. Let them buy their own tickets.” 

But there are very few who would share their win with all the relatives. In your case, you say you “included him in your lives through all of his issues.”

This sounds like a different case, where he had a special relationship with your family. Was he still close when he won this money? 

There are few other things to consider: How long has he been buying tickets to try to win? And finally, would you share a  big win of money with him? Who else would you feel you’d have to gift if you started with him? I invite readers to weigh in on this sticky issue as I have no definite answer myself. 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing about the lady called Don’t Understand Myself. (She had a yearly affair with a guy at a sunspot when she was supposed to be away with girlfriends.

Her husband finally found out, has left her, and told her to get her “crazy head examined on her own money.” She has a secretary’s salary. — Miss L.)

Many people need to get counselling at some time or other. This person can go to her family doctor and get referred to a counselling service for free. Also, places like Klinic offer counselling. Many other counselling services throughout the city are available for free.

No one should have to remain in an unsuccessful relationship when there is help and hope.

— Help and Hope, Winnipeg

Dear Help and Hope: The husband was suggesting she needed psychological help, not just relationship counselling. Psychiatrists are covered by Manitoba Health with a referral from a physician, but there are waiting lists. 

Psychologists are available at varying prices up to several hundred dollars per hour. Workplaces sometimes offer counselling and psychologist visits under their group insurance plans. 

Clergy at many churches, synagogues and other religious organizations often offer free counselling help too. Klinic, on Portage Avenue, offers free walk-in counselling six days a week, but first, call 204-784-4067 for hours or visit klinic.mb.ca for more information.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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