Sort out missed meet-up to put mind at ease

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/10/2020 (2140 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was looking at my phone while walking and literally ran into a strangely familiar-looking man. We exchanged words of “Sorry, excuse me!” and I recognized that voice. I looked up, and he had the red hair! It was an old boyfriend from high school. He had a very deep voice, even then.

I was late getting back to work, so I asked him if he’d meet me at The Forks under the canopy the next day at noon. He said he’d “love to,” and I was all happy. But he didn’t show up!

What do you think happened? I didn’t see if he was wearing a wedding ring. I’m obsessing on it now. He gave me his business card, so I do have a number for him. Should I call, or not?

— Stood Up and Disappointed, Downtown

Dear Disappointed: To stop obsessing, give him a call at his work and ask him nicely what happened. Quickly tell him you were looking forward to lunch with him.

Yes, you risk embarrassment — yours and his — but so does he. Your reward will be knowing what’s what (if he tells you the truth), so you can stop thinking about it.

He could say a number of things: “married,” “wrong place,” “arrived late,” or “I remembered our breakup.”

So screw up your courage, and get the call over with!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been really depressed ever since I read the letter from the engaged guy calling himself Close Call, who got propositioned while jogging.

For the past couple of years I’ve been struggling with the way women don’t seem interested in me, despite my friends insisting I’m a good-looking, decent guy.

Finally, I accepted the fact women just don’t approach men, and this was confirmed by other advice columnists I read. Women don’t make the first move because, they reason, it’s always up to men to do the asking. I had accepted that, and then I read that letter and now I wish… well, I wish life would stop hurting so much.

Nobody wants to have sex with me and I’m too tired all the time to put any work into changing myself into a man who women want to have sex with.

I’m tired and hurting and nobody cares because it’s “only” sex. I’m not in any sort of crisis, I promise, I just want to stop feeling…

— Tired And Hurt, Winnipeg

Dear Tired and Hurt: I’m sorry you are hurting and fed up. You wrote me some years ago about difficulties finding a relationship and said your problem was, at least partially, that you’re overweight. You also said you liked larger women, which I thought might open up the dating possibilities.

Now, it seems you’re just looking for a woman who’d like to have sex with you. No wonder you feel frustrated! That’s putting the cart before the horse, except in odd situations like the jogging incident, where the woman was on the make while running, and was unusually aggressive.

Most people, especially in COVID times, really want a friendship, at least — or a real relationship, at best — before having sex. The need for trust is huge these days. One’s health and that of the people in their social bubble depend on it.

Your best plan would be three-part, happening concurrently. First, If you’re still overweight, join a reputable online weight loss club. Second, consider COVID-conscious activities on Meetup Winnipeg (under meetup.com) for a wide range of group activities — some just for singles, some for people who are single or paired up. Third, there’s also a club called Adventures for Successful Singles (adventuresforsuccessfulsingles.com) which still offers COVID-conscious activities for adults of any age. Groups will be limited  to 10 now, with masks, says group owner Ray Antymis.

Group members are generally in their 30s to 60s, so many people are past the “perfect body” stage, though they’ll probably have done a nice job on their personalities and be lots of fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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