‘Wild thing’ with online girlfriend may just have to wait

Advertisement

Advertise with us

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new online girlfriend is in a hurry to meet in person and, as she so frankly puts it, “get it on.” I am dragging my feet. (I should tell you I am also a woman.)

Read this article for free:


or

Already have an account? Log in here »

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Subscribe and receive a limited-edition Free Press branded hat or tote.

Digital Subscription

One year of digital access for only $205*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles

*First annual payment billed as $205.00 + GST for one year. This annual subscription will automatically renew at $233.00 + GST every 52 weeks (10% off the regular annual price of $259.35). Offer available to new and qualified returning subscribers only. Cancel any time.

To continue reading, please subscribe:

Add Free Press access to your Brandon Sun subscription for only an additional

$1 for the first 4 weeks*

  • Enjoy unlimited reading on winnipegfreepress.com
  • Read the E-Edition, our digital replica newspaper
  • Access News Break, our award-winning app
  • Play interactive puzzles
Start now

*Your next Brandon Sun subscription payment will increase by $1.00 and you will be charged $17.95 plus GST for four weeks. After four weeks, your payment will increase to $24.95 plus GST every four weeks.

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/11/2020 (2106 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new online girlfriend is in a hurry to meet in person and, as she so frankly puts it, “get it on.” I am dragging my feet. (I should tell you I am also a woman.)

I find her very attractive, and part of that attraction is her wild nature. That would have been really great a year ago — and I would have been all over the opportunity to get it on with her right away, but now I’m afraid of getting sick.

Am I being a big baby, as she hinted last night? She said I was “distrusting” her. I guess I am. But what else can you do these days? — Probably Lost My Chance, Fort Garry

Dear Probably: Perhaps this lady was a little miffed at not being trusted, but trusting someone brand new to kiss and touch, and swap bodily fluids with is not a bright move right now. There just isn’t any vaccination to protect either of you against the coronavirus.

For now, just live on phone chats, fantasizing and perhaps phone sex — and stay safe! You may not have lost your opportunity with this wild thing for good, but it may be delayed.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a funny guy and my girlfriend is a hoot who can give as good as she gets in the Witty Department. But lately, there’s been a critical edge to her little shots and I’m starting to feel the slings and arrows.

Lately, she’s been making cracks about my bubble butt. It is muscled and very round for a guy. So, what? “Better than having a flabby one!” I said last night, and then she felt hurt.

I don’t want to get all heavy with her and I sure don’t want to put a damper on the kibitzing which she and I have enjoyed until now; it’s been a special part of our relationship.

What do you suggest? — Bubble Butt, St. James

Dear Bubble Butt: As in any competitive sport, you have to create some rules to prevent lows blows and dirty play. That means you two jokers are going to have to sit down and talk about what areas to leave alone.

You’re going to have to talk about what things are sacred or sensitive for each of you. That talk could actually further your intimacy as a couple and end up being a really good thing!

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve really gained weight in the last eight months of vegging out at home, and my doctor said my blood-sugar numbers are up. So now, on top of enduring the pandemic, I have to cut out the snacks I love and take more medication.

I am fed up with everything I’m being denied, and by other people who don’t have to watch their diet like do. How much more crap are we going to have to go through before this is over?

I’m sick of not seeing my friends and being able to go to my gym with my friends. I’m tired of working from home. I am just plain depressed by fall and winter coming. Help! — Fed Up To Here! Brandon

Dear Fed Up: I think you should look out the window every day and be glad to see daylight! Maybe it’s time to find ways to help other people instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

A great antidote for self-pity is helping out those less fortunate, and there are all kinds of volunteer organizations that could certainly do with your help.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

 

Miss Lonelyhearts

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

Our newsroom depends on a growing audience of readers to power our journalism. If you are not a paid reader, please consider becoming a subscriber.

Our newsroom depends on its audience of readers to power our journalism. Thank you for your support.

Report Error Submit a Tip

More Stories

Carney asks provinces to return U.S. alcohol to stores

Catherine Morrison, The Canadian Press 5 minute read Preview

Carney asks provinces to return U.S. alcohol to stores

Catherine Morrison, The Canadian Press 5 minute read Updated: Yesterday at 8:41 PM CDT

OTTAWA - Nova Scotia Premier Tim Houston says Prime Minister Mark Carney has asked provinces to restock American alcohol on their shelves as Canada finalizes a trade deal with the U.S. 

U.S. President Donald Trump announced Tuesday he would put a three-day pause on 50 per cent tariffs that would have hit an array of Canadian goods just after midnight Wednesday.

The two governments are now finalizing the language of the deal.

Carney, who briefed cabinet ministers and premiers about the draft plan Wednesday, said the deal it builds on Canada's existing trade advantages with the U.S.

Read
Updated: Yesterday at 8:41 PM CDT

Costco breaks ground on new West St. Paul store

Gabrielle Piché 4 minute read Preview

Costco breaks ground on new West St. Paul store

Gabrielle Piché 4 minute read Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026

Construction has begun on the American retailer's newest Manitoba location which developers expect will open in August 2027.

Read
Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026

Bombers face season test playing best in the West

Joshua Frey-Sam 8 minute read Preview

Bombers face season test playing best in the West

Joshua Frey-Sam 8 minute read 3:31 PM CDT

The page has officially flipped to the second half of the season, and the Winnipeg Blue Bombers find themselves teetering in the CFL’s grey zone, with the scale capable of tipping in either direction.

Sure, the club would be in the playoffs if the regular season ended today, but it’s closer to the bottom of the West Division than it is to the top.

The club’s perpetually optimistic head coach Mike O’Shea said earlier this week that his team is “probably where we need to be.”

Beyond O’Shea, it’s a mixed bag of reviews from coaches and players alike about how they are feeling through nine contests.

Read
3:31 PM CDT

Rural Manitoba homeowner charged with shooting at accused thieves

Nicole Buffie 4 minute read Preview

Rural Manitoba homeowner charged with shooting at accused thieves

Nicole Buffie 4 minute read Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026

A homeowner in southern Manitoba has been charged after he fired shots at a group of people accused of stealing from his property, police say.

Officers were sent to the Rural Municipality of Dufferin Saturday after a report of a theft in progress. RCMP said four people went to the property, located about 95 kilometres southwest of Winnipeg, and returned later the same day driving two vehicles stolen from Watrous, Sask.

The owner of the property, a 66-year-old man, saw the suspects on a motion-activated camera and saw someone transferring fuel from a portable container into one of the stolen vehicles. The man confronted the group and fired shots towards the vehicles, police said.

Three people stayed at the scene until officers arrived and took them into custody, RCMP said. Various items believed to have been stolen from the property were found in the back of a truck. A fourth suspect fled in the other vehicle.

Read
Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2026

U.S. tariffs pause elicits relief, frustration in Manitoba

Gabrielle Piché 5 minute read Preview

U.S. tariffs pause elicits relief, frustration in Manitoba

Gabrielle Piché 5 minute read Yesterday at 6:10 PM CDT

Fifty per cent tariffs weren’t the only thing paused in the Canada-U.S. trade dispute.

Read
Yesterday at 6:10 PM CDT

‘Frustrated’ Selkirk nurses plead for help

Morgan Modjeski 3 minute read Preview

‘Frustrated’ Selkirk nurses plead for help

Morgan Modjeski 3 minute read Yesterday at 5:21 PM CDT

The province must take immediate action to increase low staffing levels that are putting Selkirk emergency room nurses at risk, a letter sent to the premier and health minister says.

The letter, sent by the Manitoba Nurses Union and signed by 35 ER nurses, detailed multiple recent incidents at the Selkirk Regional Health Centre. In one case, a nurse was stabbed with a pen by a patient who had been waiting 24 hours for care. In another case, a nurse was bitten by a patient.

“Nurses in that emergency department are extremely frustrated,” said Manitoba Nurses Union president Darlene Jackson. “This is not something that happened in the last month — or overnight — these are problems that have been growing.”

The five-page letter was sent Tuesday to Premier Wab Kinew, Health Minister Uzoma Asagwara and leaders of the Interlake-Eastern Regional Health Authority. It contained 10 requests to improve safety inside the emergency department, including establishing safer nurse-to-patient staffing levels, eliminating the practice of “single physician coverage” in the emergency department and implementing an institutional safety officer around the clock.

Read
Yesterday at 5:21 PM CDT