Frayed emotions par for the pandemic course

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This article was published 19/11/2020 (2100 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Lockdown is driving my family crazy and we need some help. While we have always been a high-energy bunch, spending so much time together is really bringing out the raw emotions.

My husband and I are in our late 40s and we have two young sons, one 13 and one 10. My 13-year-old crossed a new boundary the other day when he told his father to “F-off” during an argument.

My husband raised his hand and I shouted for him to stop, just in time. My husband slammed the counter, grabbed his keys and went out the back door.

He swore to me he could never strike a child, like his father used to do to him, but I could see in his eyes that he’d snapped and was ready to knock his own kid to kingdom come. I had to stop him!

He came back hours later and he and our son are not talking — and it’s just as well.

I realize tensions are high right now, but this is too much. My son says he is not sorry! He doesn’t understand how inappropriate it was to tell his dad to F-off, because all the kids use the F-word now when they’re angry.

What do we do now? I grounded him for two weeks, but he says it was wrong to ground him for defending himself. — Caught in the Middle, Wolseley

Dear Caught in the Middle: Teach your son what would have made an acceptable retort, like “You’re wrong about this, dad!”

Also, teach your husband to say, “I’m not wrong this time!” Then they should both know to go in different directions and cool off. They can talk later, with you as the referee.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter’s boyfriend has been living with us since the beginning of COVID-19, because he says his parents are at-risk because of their age. My wife and I are only 10 years younger. I think he just likes free food and sleeping with my daughter.

I understand him wanting to be close to his girlfriend, but I do begrudge him all of our food he eats. This kid is a high-level athlete and eats like there’s no tomorrow. He adds at least $100 to the grocery bill every two weeks.

He’s completely oblivious to how my wife and I might find it a bit tiring to feed and pay for someone else’s kid. He doesn’t work, so I can’t ask for rent.

I want him out, but I don’t want to risk my relationship with my daughter. What could work as a compromise? — Fed Up With Feeding the Hulk, River Heights

Dear Fed Up: In frightening pandemic times, at least your daughter comes home to sleep and you still have some ways of protecting her. You must know that some parents of young people who live outside the family home are worried sick about their kids right now.

If your daughter and the Hulk lived out, she’d be over at his apartment, and they might inappropriately have friends dropping in quite freely, disregarding protocols. Why? Because they “trust” them. COVID-19 doesn’t care about trust.

Consider the extra $50 a week grocery money for the Hulk the price you pay to have your daughter home under your roof, with no friends dropping in and out.

Should she marry him one day, and have hungry little kids, he will be contributing a big share for the groceries for your grandchildren.

“We’re captive on the carousel of time.” (Thank you, Joni Mitchell.)

 Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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