Time for a frank chat with three-way schemer

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This article was published 15/11/2020 (2150 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: A single male friend of mine offered me his guest room while my condo was being renovated. I eagerly accepted the generous offer. We’ve been friends for a number of years. I had no romantic feeling for him and I thought he felt the same.

Late one evening after a night out with the girls, I made my way back to my friend’s place. The house was dark. As I was on the way upstairs to the guest bedroom, my eyes caught the flickering of candles. They were illuminating the bodies of my male friend and his female guest on his bed.

I was so caught off guard! All I recall was stammering as I ran past the door, “I’m so sorry,” and, “I didn’t see anything!” (although I actually did). I found out later he was hoping to make it a threesome. Now things are uncomfortable and I think I have lost a good friend. Or, have I?

— Caught Unawares, Wolseley

Dear Caught Unawares: If you truly want a friendship with this man, there has to be a big talk before there can be small talk. He knew the bedroom door was open, and it turned out it was an invitation. Call him for coffee, and let him wonder what you want to say. Then open a serious chat. He’ll probably tell you he finds you attractive and you’ll need to tell him you don’t feel that way back, but you do enjoy his friendship. The next coffee is up to him — or there may never be one if he’s feeling miffed.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I told my boyfriend I missed going to church, knowing he attends a different church for mass at times when the pandemic rules have eased up. I asked him if he’d like to go for a walk in a park one Sunday and say a few prayers together. He was so startled he jumped. I knew I had said something that made him feel uncomfortable.

He kind of acted like I’d just tried to save him. I know my church has a reputation for trying to save souls, but I’m not like that personally. He’s a regular Catholic. I don’t know what to do now, and he’s been distancing himself the last two weeks. Please help. I really care for him.

— Shocked Him, South Osborne

Dear Shocked Him: Maybe you need somebody who is a little closer to your religious ways and beliefs. Perhaps somebody who would have said, “Sure. Why not?” and it would not have been a big deal. When your religious beliefs are strong and you like to act on them, a person who feels the same way is going to make a better mate for you, particularly if you get serious.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: About three weeks ago I had a big fight with my mother and father, and moved in with my boyfriend, who is a slob. I set to work the very next day, earning my keep by cleaning up his pig sty. He has acted as if nothing happened. When I finally mentioned “cleaning up his pig sty,” he said, “Nobody asked you to do that, you didn’t ask permission to move all my stuff around and I really don’t appreciate you calling my place a pig sty.”

Get this! He added: “You are living here free, and if you insult me again like that, you will need to find a new place to live.” I can’t go back to my dad’s. Now what?

—Clean Freak, Weston

Dear Clean Freak: It’s too bad clean freaks think they’re a cut above messy folks. You should have sat down with your boyfriend when he allowed you to move in, and said, “I will look for a job immediately. But, how about I do all the housecleaning until such a time as I’m paying you 50 per cent of the rent?”

He might have agreed if you had agreed not to act high and mighty. If you continue, then you’ll either be apologizing to your folks and asking to move back in, or finding a job and a clean and tidy girlfriend to rent you a bedroom.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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