You and hubby struck it lucky with marriage pact

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This article was published 16/11/2020 (2148 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband was a gambler from his head to his toes. When he proposed, he got down on one knee with a big diamond ring and asked me to “take a chance” on him.

I did, and I was never sorry, because the deal he offered me was this: Because he was a gambler with a real job, he promised to always give me his paycheque — the whole thing, to cover all the household expenses and any other needs. He didn’t offer to quit gambling; he had money in the bank and owned some land.

His gambling money was his own, and I didn’t question his “hobby.” If there came a time when he lost it all, he never asked me for more. It was a private side to his life that never touched me, as he promised.

He didn’t have a club of men that he played poker with, either. He was a solitary kind of guy, and gambled after work before he came home — at the VLTs, I guess. We never spoke of it.

He was a very loving husband and used to say he won the lottery when he met me. I have always had my career, and he had his and he loved kids — and our kids all went to university.

He died a while back, and I miss him so. I often think about our unusual marriage and why it worked out! I think we were so happily married because he knew his weakness (he never hid it or lied about it) and he allowed for it in the agreed-upon marriage plan for us. But, more importantly, I never criticized him about it.

His dad was a terrible drinker and his parents’ marriage was hell. I was lucky he took a chance on marriage with me.

— Love Him Still, River Heights

Dear Love Him Still: Your marriage worked because you were fine with an alternate plan to other people’s marriages. You didn’t look down on your husband, and you took care of the family finances because he knew in his heart that’s the way it needed to be. (You didn’t tell him to quit gambling as a condition for marrying him, as many women would have done.)

Also, you’re not an overly curious person. Most women would have dug into exactly how he gambled, and with whom, and how he did on a day-to-day basis. Your marriage operated more like two people running a business together, except that you were in love and loved your kids. It’s not what everybody wants, financially, in a marriage, but it worked just fine for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have no children and we have been kind of joined at the hip since COVID-19 took. To be brutally frank, we are both tired of each other and starting to fight.

She admitted to the boredom first (I’m no dumb guy). I thought about it for half a day and said I felt the same way. She suggested one of us take our cellphone and computer stuff and go off to the cabin for a bit, which the other stays in our city home to work.

There’s more freedom in the country and more outdoor things to do, so I went there. We lasted two whole days and we missed each other. We realized we had been bored stiff with each other because we had no plans beside working and eating. We are appealing to you, and your readers for some ideas.

— Both Bored Stiff, The Maples

Dear Bored Stiff: If you can afford it, a real renovation project can give you back the feeling you are missing — of having a real purpose outside of work. You’ve just been killing time lately, but planning and building and actually swinging a hammer or wielding a paint brush will give you purpose. If there was ever a time to put in a rec room/games room, or divide up a big bedroom and make two offices, this is it. It’s real, it requires imagination and effort and you’ll want to get it done!

Some people are sketching out building plans for fancy ice houses in their yards once the snow finally comes to stay. Others are painting their boring white or beige house walls bolder colours. Some guys are building man caves out in the garage or putting in hot tubs in the backyards for their sweethearts.

Another important thing for mood is to bring in more light — not just seasonal affective disorder or SAD lamps for one person to use, but more powerful lights that throw a big circle of warm light in your favourite rooms. (Some people move them in and out of the basement according to the season.)

There are also mood lights that come in cubes and orbs and change up the colour of a room. You can cycle through or stop at certain colours that will elevate, energize or mellow out a room — or make you want to put on some sexy music.

On that note, I know one couple who have a dance date in the basement every Friday night — no old-time waltzing for them. They put on their favourite rock songs and go wild for half an hour. That sure beats lying around whining, “What can we do now?”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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