A little compassion should heal sisterly business rift

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/12/2020 (2091 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister and I started a business years ago. No money problems, that I noticed. But recently, I caught her taking money from our business account. We both work day jobs, and started this side business together.

She was laid off from her main job, so she volunteered to do more work. Because we already operate on razor-thin margins, I made it clear we couldn’t afford to pay her more, but if she wanted to spend extra time on things, she could.

When I confronted her about the missing money, she said she deserved it, for working extra hours. I told her she knew ahead of her actions that we couldn’t afford this. She then told me if the company lost money briefly, it would be OK, so long as her family survived, and that I was cold and mean!

I don’t know if I can trust her. She already broke my trust, and then tried to justify it, instead of apologizing. What do I do?

— Mean Sister? Transcona

 

Dear Sister: The recipe for at-work theft was there: Needing money for her family, and working for nothing and feeling owed. She likely also was feeling jealous you still had a job, and perhaps was desperate for money for bills or groceries. So there are three issues here: First, she stole — wrong thing to do. Secondly, she lost her day job, and you didn’t. And third, you didn’t offer to help her out — also wrong.

You said she could work more time for no more money. That’s a little hard-hearted.

It would have made more sense if you’d said, “I know your family needs money to survive. Do you think you can bring in more money for our side biz if you put in more hours? That way we can pay you. Otherwise, can I give or loan you some bridge money to help right now.”

You two need to sit down and talk this over. Don’t let COVID financial desperation split up your friendship. You were doing fine having a side business together, until now.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister has recently become very “woke” and is taking things a bit far. We were having a family video chat recently, and she called our dad a racist, to his face.

My dad is old-fashioned, plus he got married late and had kids a decade apart. My sister, the surprise baby, is 10 years younger than me and has an opinion on everything. She doesn’t seem to understand our dad’s intentions aren’t to be racist; old parents sometimes just use old words for things.

The mistake my dad made was referring to Asia as “the Orient” and my sister went ballistic! She called him “ignorant” and “racist” and “lazy” for not reading up on the oppression of people from Asia.

While I agree with much of what she said, she went way too hard on our dad, and his feelings are clearly hurt. She is being stubborn and refuses to apologize. I don’t know what to do anymore. What do you think? I want Christmas to be pleasant for everyone.

— Family Peacemaker, Wolseley

 

Dear Family Peacemaker: How is a second conversation between father and younger sister going to broker a peace right now? It simply isn’t, as things are still too touchy. So, how about you get in the middle?

You apologize to each person in the fight, for the other one. Explain to your dad that your young sister is sorry for calling him names, and explain to your sister that your dad may need some enlightening, but he didn’t need a verbal beating. Tell her he is sorry they have had that fight.

Sometimes people in different generations have to “agree to disagree” and just leave certain topics alone, for the sake of love in the family.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Regarding “Time to give rink a rethink, at least for this winter,” I’d like to pass some thoughts to the lady who wants her grass perfect, rather than having a home rink for the kids made by her husband.

In the future, when her kids think about the COVID years of 2020-21, which would she prefer? “Oh yes, that was the year dad built us a skating rink and we had so much fun!” or “That was the year that mom wouldn’t let dad build us a rink because she wanted her perfect grass, and we were sad and had nothing to do.”

To boot, her husband is ready to do the work. Think of your blessing, mom!

— Just Saying, Manitoba

 

Dear Just Saying: We got a flurry of letters on this icy fight. In the court of public opinion, Mama the Gardener lost, and Papa the Rink Builder won. There were few, if any, readers backing up the perfect grass, and much support for making the home skating rink. You made a great point about the memories, and you’re getting the last word!

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.