Remorseless sexter not likely to reform

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/03/2021 (1992 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 24, and I just caught out my lying, cheating girlfriend I thought I loved. She’d logged into her Instagram on my phone. Later, when I opened the app and went to messages, I saw this guy’s name in the Inbox — and opened it. Then I realized I was still on her account.

Well, they have had quite a time over the last two weeks. I saw a bunch of their nudes and sexy messages and it made me sick. She claims they “have never met personally, so it doesn’t count.” Oh, I doubt that very much.

She had the nerve to ream me out for looking at her messages! I feel stupid now for even listening to her give me hell, while she was actually cheating. Then she told me “everybody knows” what happens online is kind of like fantasy and doesn’t count.

Now we’re hardly talking. She’s saying I’m paranoid and should get some help for my head. What should I do?

— A Freakin’ Wreck, St. Boniface

Dear Wreck: You two did not negotiate anything that allowed other people into your relationship with their nude selfies and hot talk. But determined cheaters will always find a way to connect to others, as one person isn’t enough for their egos. There’s a lot of virtual cheating going on, now that people are not going out to bars and connecting with partners in the flesh.

There’s nothing valuable to be saved here. This young woman isn’t sorry and is trying to make you feel guilty for catching her. She doesn’t deserve to be your girlfriend. You can do better than this relationship, which is making you feel uncomfortable, insecure, jealous and angry. If she gets away with this, she’s just going to go further. So hold your head up, tell her you’re finished and she’s welcome to her “virtual” guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m married to a hoarder. My husband collects everything you can imagine. It used to be interesting, when he’d collect things that had value and were actually known to be collectable.

Now that he’s off work from COVID, he’s saving everything — even stuff you’d normally throw out as complete garbage. I’m following him around, and starting to throw it out myself! The other day he lost his temper on me for throwing out his ancient golf clubs and bag, and a pile of stinky shoes and shirts that were cluttering up our tiny back porch. He hasn’t golfed for 25 years! I think he’ll soon be at the “legally a hoarder” point, as he’s now filled his work study to the ceiling.

Although I love him, I’m starting to panic and he asked me, with terror in his eyes, if I’d ever leave him. What else can I do? I don’t want to live like this, and we’re living on mostly my money, so we can’t afford counselling.

— Hoarder’s Wife, Charleswood

Dear Hoarder’s Wife: Since you loved this man enough to marry him, think about this: That original loving guy is still in there somewhere, but he’s in the clutches of a continual anxiety he doesn’t know how to control.

He needs emergency help with this disorder. No doubt the loss of his job has made everything worse, and he’s trying his hardest not to lose anything else from his life, even if it’s worthless junk.

The Anxiety Disorders Association of Manitoba is there for him and they also have a support line at 204-925-0040. If he won’t call them, you should call them yourself about your mounting worry over his hoarding. See what help there is for him — and for you.

You should know his hoarding is about much more than the junk he’s piling up in the house — it’s gotten beyond his control and into obsessive-compulsive behaviour.

At home with him, try to change your angry tone to concern about the things in life that worry him. Getting angry and disgusted isn’t going to help anything. Threatening to leave and to withdraw your love from him is only going to make him hang on tighter to the inanimate objects he gathers around him. They can’t walk out the door.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography