Take initiative to force hand of ‘next season’ man

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/07/2021 (1887 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband keeps promising me things that are out of season.

Last winter, he promised me a pool, but this summer, when I complained about no pool happening, he said, “I have a better idea! Let’s go to Jamaica next winter instead, and get the pool another summer.”

He’s full of you-know-what. I know there will be no trip when the time comes and no pool in the summer of 2022 either!

We’re not getting any younger! What can I do so we can make some of these memories?

He won’t hear of me putting in money — and I have plenty saved. Please help untangle this mess. — Empty Promises, Southdale

Dear Empty Promises: He won’t take your money because he’d then be forced to actually commit some of his own money. He lies to romance you, which might work with a woman a guy’s not planning to see for too long, but he’s married to you. Besides, you’re on to him now!

Time to take some control on your side. How about you pony up some money and call a contractor for some pool quotes? Then you get the project happening, and push him to put in his half.

If you decide on a trip instead, go get the plane tickets, and he can pay for the hotel.

If he’s still dragging his feet and doesn’t want to pony up for the hotel, tell him you’ll take a friend with you instead. That should loosen up his wallet! If not, you have some serious talking to do about the empty promises, and how it makes you lose respect for him.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is staying at our wonderful cottage, as she is working remotely. I am flat-out jealous because I have to go into the office now. We both worked remotely from the lake a fair bit due to COVID.

While I’m happy to see my boss and to be able to talk to my co-workers more easily, my wife can go for swims in the heat and still get her work done. She’s 50 minutes away from the city, living the best life in our home-like cabin. By comparison, I came home from work in the city last night and made mac and cheese out of a box.

My wife is a fabulous cook. Last night she had two double-vaccinated friends over for dinner, and the guy in the couple is one of my best friends. I was green with envy, and am too often given to sarcasm about her “lake job.”

Last night I was a real jerk on the phone to her. Can you help? — Jealous Jerk, Winnipeg

Dear Jealous: Here’s a proposal you could make to your boss. Could you work through noon hour, leave an hour early and drive to the lake a few times a week?

On the commute, you could turn up the music and unwind a bit. When you get to the lake, jump in the lake for a refreshing swim. Then have dinner and fun times with your wife and/or those close friends.

Next morning, get up early when it’s still cool and drive back into the city. On Fridays, go back for the weekend. That’d be a good deal, if you don’t mind driving for an hour back and forth a few days a week.

 

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I heard my husband refer to me with an awful F-word — fat! He was on the phone and thought I was outside. He was talking to his over-involved, skinny mother, who used to be a model before she got too O-word (old).

From his cellphone at our cottage, he told Mommy, “I don’t mind that she’s gotten so fat, but she won’t even go with me anywhere and particularly not down to the beach. She stays at home and eats junk food, or goes shopping for more food!”

I grabbed the phone from him, and slammed it down! I told him to shut up and that I was tired of his skinny little body with no muscle.

Now neither one of us is talking or reaching for the other in bed. Sex has always brought us back together after fighting.

Have we reached the end of our marriage? Maybe. He’s obviously closer to her than me. Maybe he should go back to Mama! I’m sure as heck not going to start dieting to please him. — “Fat” and Fed Up, Tuxedo

Dear Fed Up: The spark that lit this destructive fire is your husband complaining that he thinks you’ve gotten so heavy you’re embarrassed to go to the beach with him and your kids.

Do try to talk to your husband about the problems in your marriage. It’d be best if you found a relationship counsellor/referee. The counsellor knows there will be many more issues to discuss than his too-chummy relationship with his mom and your extra weight.

Your husband also needs to find out where the privacy line is as a married man. Obviously, he doesn’t know his first loyalty should be to you.

Counsellors are adept at virtual sessions now, so you don’t have to leave home to get help, as long as the kids are out of hearing range with a babysitter — not your mother-in-law. She shouldn’t even know this is happening.

 

Send questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.