Differing winter wants no basis for ultimatum

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This article was published 15/12/2021 (1707 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: People we know took holidays down south as soon as they could get through the border, and are already back now. They’re fine and loved it, and are talking about going again after Christmas.

I don’t want to go, but my retired fiancé says he wants to get out of here so badly, he’s going with them, even if he has to go without me.

I thought he loved me when he gave me a beautiful engagement ring for my last birthday. I remember him saying he’d do anything for me! Now he says he’ll do anything — except stay here with me for another Canadian winter, if he can go south. I’m still working at a job I love. This spells “break up” to me. Do you agree?

— Angry and Hurt Fiancée, St. Norbert

Dear Angry and Hurt: Your problem brings to mind Meat Loaf’s song: I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That). As romantic as many of us are, we have limits to how far we’ll go to please someone, and how much we’re willing to give up. You two have both stated your limits. What can you do, but let him go? You don’t need to break up with him, as well though.

Many snowbirds are at their limits with COVID plus winter, and trying desperately to get to their favourite sunspots. You don’t feel that way. Your guy isn’t pressuring you to go with him to the sun, and withdrawing his love — so stop nagging him to stay here, and threatening to withdraw your love. If either or both of you are OK with breaking up, then it wasn’t the grand love you thought it was.

Chances are he’ll miss you a lot — as long as you aren’t nasty to him before he leaves. “Wait and see” would be a better attitude to take — and don’t throw that beautiful diamond ring back in his face. A move like that can crush a person and their love. Instead, show him what he’ll be missing before he leaves, and say a fond “adios.” I predict he’ll be burning up the phone lines after a week or two without you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I made the mistake of taking my 20-year-old son back to live in our house because he said, “My rent is too high and there’s nothing left over for healthy food or savings.” He never did tell his dad and I how much money he was making at his new job.

I caught a quick look at his online banking screen yesterday, when he went to the bathroom and left it open. That son of mine is making more money than I do on my paycheque — and he has savings! He outright lied to us. We paid for his degree, and I feel like chucking him out on his ear.

His dad says no, and says we’ll make him pay rent and a food share instead. What do you think?

— Angry Mother of a Sponge, Charleswood

Dear Angry Mother: Your husband has a point. If your son is angry he has to pay for rent and food “to live at home” then he’ll choose to move back out with his friends as soon as possible. That way you aren’t actually throwing him out, and it won’t cause hard feelings in the family for too long.

If your son unhappily agrees to pay to live at home, he won’t likely stay past the cold winter. It’s still COVID time, so it’s safer for your son’s health to live at home — and he may realize that. It’s just not as safe for you, if he’s living at home and seeing a group of party pals at night.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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