Stand firm, let hubby settle things with aunt

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/01/2022 (1672 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: With COVID and the new variant and numbers going up in a scary way, my husband and I decided to stay home from the family Christmas dinner at his aunt’s house. We got a horrible response. We were called “sheep!” Auntie said we were “missing out on precious family time that we can never get back.”

Well, I’d sooner miss out on “precious” family time than have them visit us at our eternal resting place!

We’re so upset with her selfish attitude. We’re not sheep! We’re trying to be responsible, and keep healthy for ourselves and for others — and we have underlying health conditions. Even a seasonal flu would cause us big problems.

I don’t want my husband and his aunt to stop talking, but if our health is not a concern to her, why should I care? What can be done so my husband doesn’t lose an auntie over this?

— Throwing My Hands Up, River Heights

Dear Throwing My Hands Up: Step back, and let Auntie’s nephew fix this. For instance, he could send the disappointed aunt a nice arrangement of flowers, with a card that reads: “Sorry we had to miss this year’s family party. Wishing you a happy new year!” That wording tells her you’ll be at the family party in a non-COVID year, and you wish her the best, even though she was nasty.

Not many people send new year’s flowers, so there’ll be no competition and hubby will be back in Auntie’s good books. As for you? Not so much. You’re just the woman her nephew married. He needs to watch out for you when Auntie’s around, in case she gives you the little digs she can’t give him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 21 and my love is 24. We’re lesbian and proud of it, but have not come out to my parents, though her folks already know. We waited on my end until we knew we were a solid couple, as I have more conservative parents. We see a whole life together — children and a house outside the city, with dogs and horses.

Right now, we’re working on our educations and careers. Our parents think we are just “apartment mates” when we are really mates for life. When’s a good time to tell them?

— Walking On Ice, East Kildonan

Dear Walking: There’s no easy time, just make sure you’re alone. Be aware there’s a chance your folks already suspect you’re a couple — by the way you interact and look at each other. So, preface the talk with: “You may already have guessed this, but we are a couple.”

If they say, “Oh yes, we noticed quite a while ago, but were just waiting for you to mention it,” that will save you a whole lot of explaining.

If they’re totally shocked, do your best. But if it gets sticky, and one or both parents look like they need some time to digest the news, tell them you’ll chat about it again in two weeks so it doesn’t get swept under the rug. Then, don’t just walk out. If you’re an affectionate family, hug your parents before you leave, to reassure them everything’s going to be all right in the end.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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