Compromise on drive, cocoon in country

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This article was published 11/01/2022 (1670 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I know this is crazy, but I’ve had three dating relationship since COVID started — two city guys, and the newest guy is a young farmer. We are both pro-vax and have stayed safe so far. But now Omicron has my farmer spooked, and he doesn’t want to come into the city where there are so many “germy” people to run into. He just asked me to drive out to see him on his farm.” No way!

Hey, it’s not safe in that “winter wasteland” with the scary snowstorms. My farm boy just laughs when I say that. He says he’ll meet me in his closest town, where I can park my car in his friend’s heated garage, and he’ll drive us both out to his “winter wonderland.” Ha! He’s funny, and I really like him a ton already, but not enough to risk my life! I’m not a great driver, and have no experience with snow. What do you suggest?

— Snow White in the Face, St. Vital

Dear Snow White: Farmers are generally not worried about weather, own bigger vehicles and know how to drive in every season. If this guy wants to see you badly enough, he’ll come into the city and scoop you up. Tell your country guy he doesn’t need to go to any busy city stores, but just to pick up you and your suitcase. Could be lots of fun and a new adventure for you, too!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t know how much more I can take. I used to love my wife, but I’m starting to feel lonely in our marriage. With COVID restrictions the past two years, our social life has been non-existent. At first, we’d play board and card games to fill our time, or go on long walks or drives. We used to have long philosophical conversations over glasses of wine.

Now, my wife goes to the bedroom after dinner, and watches these stupid “reality” TV shows non-stop. I can’t stand them. I feel like they’re a waste of life and I have no respect for the way she’s become. She’s a TV addict now, though she’s not even interested in the news. I barely see her when “her shows” are on. When I do, all she talks about are these housewives and their dilemmas.

I really miss the romantic nights she used to instigate at the beginning of COVID, and our beautiful weekends at the cabin. Our cabin is insulated and kind of “in town” by the lake. I miss it to the point where I feel sad in my stomach.

I guess the worst part is we haven’t had sex for three months. I’m not feeling it for her, so nothing is coming up, if you know what I mean. It’s like she’s this totally boring woman to me now. She mentioned our non-existent sex life this week, and I didn’t know what to say.

I know the pandemic will come to an end, but so might our marriage of almost 20 years if this keeps up. I’m not sure what to do or where to start.

— Not Feeling the Love Anymore, Garden City

Dear Not Feeling: The sooner you admit to yourself you’re actually feeling angry, the sooner you’ll start experiencing all your feelings again — even good ones. You’ve been suppressing your real feelings of frustration with your wife — to save you from a showdown. You both need to honestly express yourselves. No doubt she’s not happy with you either, and she’s hiding by bingeing on reality TV.

You’ve worn out everything to do in the house, and she’s retreated to another world — namely the TV world and other people’s lives. You have no such retreat. If you do want to enjoy some TV time with her, you must find movies to watch together that both of you find stimulating. Then make some popcorn, add some refreshments and pretend you’re at the movies.

You need to start doing new things together outside the house — something physical like snowshoeing or winter photography to get you back into the invigorating fresh air.

You might also start visiting with friends and family online, to expand your social circle while riding out the fourth wave. That means creating a list of people you miss and initiating online social meetings with them, with food, drinks and online games to play.

Hot tip: It’s better if you experiment with lighting up your faces, so you don’t look like zombies in the dark. Regular lamps with the shades taken off, lighting you up from the front or a bit to one side work well. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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