You may be thankful for tipsy kiss-off

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/01/2022 (1394 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m left with a bitter aftertaste following a new year waste-of-time dinner. I’m a single, career-driven woman in my 40s, and glad to be that way. That seems to bother my best male buddy’s interfering new wife, who said, “Don’t worry I’ll find you a new man in 2022!”

I said, “Don’t bother!” Then she smiled knowingly and poured herself another drink. By the end of the dinner, she was slurring her words, and it wasn’t the first time she’s done that. I looked at my buddy and shook my head. He was embarrassed and mouthed the word, “Sorry.” He may be also be feeling sorry he married her so quickly.

I put that scene behind me when I left, but got a call the next day. His wife was definitely sounding tipsy again, and said she had a “good friend” lined up she wanted me to meet.

I said, “No way!” in a loud voice. She said, “OK, be that way. I was just trying to help, because you can’t seem to find a guy.”

Then I lost it, and said, “Why don’t you quit drinking and improve my best friend’s life?” She told me where to go, using some nasty terms. I’m never apologizing. My only worry? Where does that leave me with my best buddy of 21 years?

— Don’t Want to Lose Him, North Kildonan

Dear Don’t Want to Lose Him: Not to worry! This woman couldn’t have given you a nicer gift — no more invitations to their house. Now you have the perfect excuse to communicate with your buddy privately — mostly by phone. When COVID clears, you can go for coffees and lunches. You’ll be back to enjoying your good old buddy days with him unless she wages war over it, and he capitulates!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a few thoughts about the letter from “Hurting Older Brother. (His long-lost younger brother called to talk about old times on Christmas Eve, but hung up when asked for his location. I suggested that the next time he calls, to take things slowly about reconnecting, and ask him if he’d start by meeting for coffee. —Miss L.)

Immediately a lot of red flags popped up for me! Even now, younger brother is being treated as a “loser.” Why? What happened back then that made younger brother bolt? Is his older brother a bully?

If younger brother felt the frustration over the phone Christmas Eve, older brother must have been quite expressive! If I was the younger brother, I’d be apprehensive, too, and probably hang up. What happened so many years ago? I grew up with older brothers. For me, there are too many questions.

I do wish the younger brother well! Maybe he is well, but the older brother and his wife only see him as a loser.

— A Reader, Winnipeg

Dear Reader: No family background was mentioned, but it’s clear there was a falling-out and the younger brother — though he missed the old days together — didn’t want a meeting. He may be on the street and embarrassed, or he might have a new life and be OK, but not want his brother as part of it.

Perhaps he was just feeling sentimental enough to reach out with a Christmas call, and that’s all.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Just read your letter from “Hurting Older Brother.” It’s possible this gentleman’s brother may frequent facilities such as Siloam Mission, Salvation Army, Lighthouse or other city shelters. The staff and volunteers at these facilities may be able to help.

— One Who Cares, Winnipeg

Dear One Who Cares: I’ll pass your suggestions along, although it’s unlikely these organizations give out private information. If the younger brother wanted to connect for more than a Christmas phone call, he wouldn’t have backed off so quickly when asked where he was.

The older brother’s wife is a clue to the problem. She suggested she “wouldn’t be surprised if he was in jail, couch-surfing or staying in a shelter.” That gives an idea of what at least half of the couple thinks! All the younger bro wanted to do was talk about old times together. Maybe that was his Christmas present to himself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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