Lockdown lover only in it for himself

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/01/2022 (1396 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I felt so lucky I had a steady boyfriend during the first two years of COVID! We became very close because we really saw no one else, and we both worked from home. Both of us had less than full-time work, so we decided to move in together, with the agreement it was “at least until COVID is over.”

When rules got looser this fall, my boyfriend started to get restless and was meeting some of his old friends for drinks and going out to sporting events. He also started picking fights with me, like he maybe wanted his freedom back. I had fallen for him by then and was feeling hurt. But now the COVID situation has gotten nasty again, he’s started sucking up to me, like he’s in love with me for the winter — or whenever things let up. He’s started throwing around pet names like “Honeybun” and “Sweetheart,” but I’m not buying it.

A phrase I’ve heard my grandparents use — “Any port in a storm”— is what I think I am to him. He’s such a phoney! I’m feeling used and don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to move anywhere on my own right now. I don’t even trust him not to cheat on me, which could be very dangerous. Please help!

— His Unhappy “Port,” Osborne Village

Dear Unhappy: You have the advantage now of clearer vision, no longer clouded by romantic notions. It’s time to look for your own port that’s truly safe from the COVID storm. That could be moving in with a family member or a quiet friend who isn’t out partying like it’s 2018.

Take a few close people into your confidence and seriously look for a new place to live away from this guy you don’t trust. You don’t want to be looking back, saying, “I knew he didn’t really care about me and my health months ago, and now I’m sick.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Two days after Christmas I heard from a friend that my ex-boyfriend had finally driven back to Winnipeg from Ontario to see his folks after three years, so I called him at the old home number to say hello. I just wanted to wish him the best of the season!

He picked up his parents’ phone and seemed shocked I’d called. He gave curt answers to my questions on how he was doing. Finally he said, “Look, what do you want from me?” I replied, “Nothing. I just wanted to say hello.”

He said, “You broke my heart three Christmases ago, when you didn’t want my engagement ring. What kind of morbid curiosity has you calling me up at Christmas now?”

I hung up on him. Miss L., I was just trying to be nice. I’m not “morbidly curious.” I just thought maybe we could be friends, now it’s been so long.

— Rudely Treated, River Heights

Dear Rudely Treated: Christmas holidays are a time of high emotion. It’s taken your rejected ex-boyfriend this long to come back home to Winnipeg — where his parents, and you, still live. Three years ago at Christmas, this man put his heart on the line — and it felt like you stomped on it.

You don’t get to be pals now. It almost seems like you expected him to get over it and maybe come out for a casual coffee now. You lost that option a long time ago.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I usually make up my New Year’s resolutions in the last week of December. Then they usually go down the tubes after the first two weeks of January. Times are so tough this year with COVID, it’s enough to just exist!

I don’t see the sense of holding myself to account for correcting bad behaviours — like losing 40 pounds, not drinking so much beer, budgeting my money and cutting back on the F-word — yet, I feel kind of guilty. Resolutions are such an old custom, somehow I feel like maybe I should make some effort to shore up my life in January, or sinking lower. What do you think?

— Resolution Rebel, Selkirk

Dear Rebel: Go easy on yourself. In 2022, we really need to shore ourselves up — but in a different way. That means adding more enjoyable and positive things to our lives, rather than berating ourselves for our bad habits. The happiest people I know seem to be doing more outdoor sports and activities, rather than making themselves address bad habits.

Photography, snowshoeing, skating, tobogganing, birdwatching and cross-country skiing are possible experiments. Even if you only bundle up and go out for 30-40 minutes in a day, the bright snow-reflected sunlight and exercise can raise your mood for most of the day — and that’s what we all really need this year.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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