Dinner invite snub may not be personal

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/01/2022 (1397 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I received a call saying that our “all birthdays” annual get-together dinner with six or eight old friends was cancelled. We always have it in mid-January, when it’s cold and boring. I understood completely, with COVID numbers going through the roof.

Well, that party was not cancelled, but it’s “secretly” happening without me. My ex-husband of eight months and I share the same friends. I found out he’s going to the dinner with his new girlfriend.

Are we in high school? Did the hosts think I wouldn’t see through the lie? Did they not care? I’m confused. Why not just tell me he was going, and bringing a woman? I called my ex-husband and let him know what I found out. He said his new girlfriend felt uncomfortable about my being at the party, and the host agreed.

— Feeling Let Down and Alone

Dear Feeling Let Down: Some couples can only count by two when it comes to party invitations; they only feel comfortable with other couples — particularly if their own relationship is unstable. If there’s an attractive single man or woman at the dinner, it’d be unsettling for them.

Perhaps, if you’d beaten your ex to finding a new partner, they would have lied to him, and told him the party was cancelled.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I slapped my teenage daughter’s face and she slapped me back! She has never done that before. She was cursing me out before, and she knows I will not take it. She deserves a hard backhand when she needs one, and especially if she calls her own mother names! Then she ran into her bedroom, locked the door and started packing. She slipped out when I went to the bathroom.

Now she’s at my sister’s house and won’t come to the phone. My sister is protecting my daughter, and says she’s living with her now. Ha! What kind of a sister is this? She says she’ll go to the police about how I “abuse” my own daughter if I come anywhere near her.

I told her where she could get off! That girl belongs to me. I gave birth to her. Just because she’s 18 doesn’t mean she can get off sassing her mother and leaving all her chores undone without getting smacked! I pay for the rent and food and she can do housework to earn her keep. My sister called me an “abuser,” and she says she will see a lawyer. She has no kids. What should I do?

— Discipline is Necessary! St. James

Dear Discipline: You gave birth to your girl, but you don’t own her. You are talking about her like she’s your unpaid servant. She is not, and she is also no longer a child in the eyes of the law. At 18, your daughter is now an adult and she can decide to stay at her aunt’s home if she wants to.

You don’t have the right to rule her life, and you never had the right to abuse her. This sounds like the first time she’s slapped you back, which means your rule is over. I’d recommend you speak to someone about your anger issues.

It’s best your daughter stays with her aunt until she can live independently or with friends. If she has to get a lawyer, you could be the one in trouble.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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