Use summer’s hard truth to mend your heart

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I refused to go stay at my girlfriend’s cabin in July, because her alcoholic ex-husband still owns the lot beside her. He’s building a big fancy cabin this summer and she’s more than OK with that, even though they’re divorced.

I seriously criticized him — calling him a drunk and a loser — and she actually dumped me before she went off to the lake for all of July!

When she finally came back home I went to see her. She told me I “just wasn’t enough of a lake person” for her.

Then the fight began! I said, “So are you back with him permanently?” and she said, “What do you think? You let me go!”

I said, “I don’t control my women… but I want a woman who’s 100 per cent mine.” She laughed in my face, and then I lost it.

I said, “You know he’ll never stop drinking for you — because he doesn’t have to!” And she said, “We’ll see about that. He’s trying to cut down.”

I feel sick now. Please help me sort this out. Sadly, I still love her.

— Rejected for an Alcoholic, Interlake

Dear Rejected: You did what you had to do to get proof this woman is not really yours. Now, you have it, and you need to close the door permanently.

Take care of your own heart for the rest of summer. See a psychologist who specializes in alcoholism. You need to understand why you became part of this hopeless tug-of-war, and how to avoid these situations in the future.

Once your ex and this guy are both back in the city, and there’s no dream cabin project to hold them together, she may want to be free of him — and come back to you.

Be prepared to fight that within yourself, so you aren’t just used as her back-up plan.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was up at my favourite beach when I recognized a deeply-tanned guy with long hair coming down the boardwalk. He looked like a rock star, and was wearing a bikini of all things. He’s still a fairly well-known musician, and I used to be his girlfriend.

People were staring, and I couldn’t help it myself. He felt my gaze, and looked over and nodded at me, like I was just another one of his fans.

I’m angry now, because I couldn’t help myself from reacting with annoyance. We broke up years ago because other girls fought to get at him — and some of them definitely succeeded.

He still clearly enjoys causing a scene at summer events with younger women around him. How can I stop myself from reacting, if and when I run into him?

— Angry He Still Provokes Me, Whiteshell

Dear Angry: There comes a time when you have to shake your head and smile at characters in your life. This older musician is still chasing the recognition he craves at “events” like the beach.

Want to lose your attraction for this guy? Consider walking over and saying hello.

Hearing his normal speaking voice saying something like, “Long time, no see. How are you doing?” could break that old spell created in your mind when he was locally “famous” and screaming and singing into a mic onstage.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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