Ease parents into life with same-sex husband

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/06/2017 (3070 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I are gay and we’re a happy couple. Recently, we had my parents over for dinner and they had a great time with the dog and playing cards after dinner. On the way out, my dad hugged me around the shoulders, but not my partner. He said, “I had a really good time!” like he was surprised. Should I be pleased he said that, or annoyed he was surprised he could have a good time with us as a couple at our home?

— Married Couple, Osborne Village

Dear Married Couple: Take the good, when it comes. Enjoy doing fun things together with your family. Invite your parents over and ease them into going out together to fun events such as concerts. Engineer things so your partner and your dad get to chat alone together, sometimes. There’s a tendency to hover when you’re nervous about two people getting along. Take a chance. Go talk to your mom for a bit. Your partner will enjoy seeing for himself the things you and your dad have in common, the ways you differ and what you picked up from your mother over the years. He loves you, so he’s bound to love different aspects of their personalities he also sees in you.

I’d say you have lots to be happy about in your dad’s surprised comment. Enjoy his comfort with you and your husband, and let it grow naturally.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Granny’s Only Grandchild (the woman whose husband is anxious to get his hands on some of her inheritance from her grandmother).

When you inherit money, it is yours. Her husband has no right to think he should get half. He has no right to any of it. When my father passed away, he left me some money and I didn’t give my husband any of it, nor did he ask. I did buy him a motorcycle as a gift, since he and my father got along very well.

— Missing My Father, Manitoba

Dear Missing My Father: I’m sorry you lost your dad, but happy he gave you a gift after his death. You, in turn, gave your husband a generous gift of a motorcycle because he was a friend to your dad. In this case, the greedy husband who wants half of Granny’s Only Grandchild’s inheritance money had little or nothing to do with the writer’s granny when she was alive.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Father’s Day is coming. I remember my dad by flying a kite and looking up at the sky. My dad used to take me kite-flying on Father’s Day; he was an unselfish guy. In those days we had to make them by hand, and half the time mine wouldn’t go up, but my dad could always find a way to get that thing in the air. I hope all dads do something with their kids if they can.

— Tears For Dad, St. Vital

Dear Tears For Dad: It’s important dads, stepdads and grandfathers take the situation in hand. They should plan to do something with the kids on Father’s Day if possible. It can be a sad day for them and for the kids to be apart. Most mothers understand their kids wanting to be with their father on that day, or at least sometime that weekend. Today would be a good time to get something arranged for this weekend.

Moms can make sure the kids make a card and a little gift (sometimes they do this at school) for them to give to their dad, stepdad, grandfather or other dad figure.

Even if the kid’s mom has split up with the father, it’s about the kids and dads that day, unless there’s a reason that’s inappropriate.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography