Living together in same house cranks up battles about music

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This article was published 15/06/2017 (3070 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend and I moved in together and now we’re involved in a radio station war. I moved into her house, and I’m used to listening to rock stations. She wants news-radio on 24/7. We love each other very much, but we’ve never had to totally share space. She even tells me she hates me blasting music in the car, which she never complained about before. She thinks she owns me now, I guess.

A week ago she was inside and I was outside rocking out while I washed the car, and she yelled at me to turn it down because I was bothering the neighbours. I saw red. I walked into the house and told her I wouldn’t have moved in with her if I knew she was going to turn into the music police. I told her I could easily pack up and move back in with my parents.

She stopped dead and it took her a long time to speak. She finally said, “So you’re here for a good time, not a long time? Then get out!”

Then she started crying and locked herself in the bathroom. We half worked it out through the bathroom door, but it’s not a happy, relaxed situation. I turn on my music and she goes outside to the garden. We are still jolted awake every morning to her bad-news stations, and instead of making love to stories of doom and gloom, I have a shower and go to work.

At least at my folks I had the whole basement and could play any music I liked at any volume. They are rock fans, too. I liked my life just fine before I started living with the woman I love. Help! — Half In/Half Out, West End

Dear Half In/Half Out: New marriages and living-together situations are filled with battles like this until the honeymooners work them out. Headphones would solve part of this problem. Are you too stubborn to wear them? As for the doom and gloom of the news, can you not compromise on how much? Repeated news is unnecessary. News that’s not been heard, she needs to hear.

Neither of you should have canned music and news on all the time. What about activities, sports, fun on patios and talking to each other? Broaden your scope of interests and start to enjoy life together. As for moving back to your parents, it won’t seem as sweet when you come home to try to be a younger guy again. Your parents will be enjoying their freedom and may have a much more exciting love life that started with you gone.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw a dog in my dreams and it had the big soft brown eyes of my former girlfriend. The thing is I want my girlfriend back and this new woman I am sleeping beside three or four nights a week isn’t doing it for me.

I love the first woman, but I broke her heart by cheating on her with this ditz I am now sleeping with. How do I get her back? She won’t take my messages, won’t answer me online and I can’t even get through to her via her girlfriends, who all think I’m a slime. Please help. — Not a Slime, Wolseley

Dear Not a Slime: Some bad things you do can’t be undone. Cheating tends to be one of those things. The hurt goes too deep and the other person can’t forget. It’s interesting you even think you have a chance after having your little epiphany. What have you done to become a better man since you broke up with this woman you now think you love? You’re actually still sleeping with the person you cheated with. Why would your old love want to talk to you? Your only hope is to end the relationship with the affair woman and get yourself into counselling to try to change your head so you have something to offer your former girlfriend. Your life situation now, and your old mindset, are simply not good bargaining tools.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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