Cheapskate should pay for some of her dates

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This article was published 13/06/2017 (3334 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a loving woman, but I’m a little tight with my money. When I have a male friend, I tell him I’m old-fashioned and I don’t pay, especially if a fellow asks me out on a date.

I’m in my 40s, happily divorced, no kids and very little baggage. I’m fun, have a great sense of humour and I’m an all-round great date, but I’m finding that when I let men know I don’t pay for myself when we go out that an alarming number lean on me harder to go to bed with them, as if they feel I owe them something after the second or third date. At say $35-a-dinner, does that mean my body would be worth a little over $100, with taxes? I don’t think so!

I have a secretarial job and earn a moderate salary. The men I date are at the height of their earning potential, or not far from it. Do you think I should pay my half of everything or take turns treating them so they don’t come on to me with that “Hey, you owe me, baby” attitude? I hate to be crude but I’m…

— Not a Piece of Meat, Fort Garry

Dear Not a Piece of Meat: You have already answered your own question. It’s easy to understand why you’re upset, but you do refer to yourself as “a little tight” with money, which means you may be carrying the man always pays thing too far. Insisting the man pay 100 per cent of everything is stingy these days, but you shouldn’t have to pay 50/50 just so your date doesn’t think you owe him sex.

It sounds like you’re not dating real gentlemen to start with. Take a look at your last couple of dating situations and ask yourself if these were nice guys, or a little rough around the edges. And then take a look at your attitude to contributing and sharing. It makes sense in a warm romantic relationship, even near the beginning, that the lady happily offers to treat the fellow once in a while, and not just at cheap coffee shops, either.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a cranky, overtired guy at home because I have to work the graveyard shift to get a start in my new career. I can’t seem to get used to the hours. I complained I was having a hard time sleeping and another guy offered to trade me his evening shift for my graveyard shift and I said I would definitely think about it.

If I do that, I have no social life this summer and will never get to see my girlfriend, as she works days and there is no other choice. She’ll only see me after midnight when I get off. She is already unhappy with my grumpy face and dark circles under my eyes. But if I stay on the overnight shift, I’ll have to start taking drugs to sleep and to wake up. What do you think?

— Rock and Hard Place, West End

Dear Rock and Hard Place: Weigh it out carefully. Which would you rather do: lose sleep, lose the girlfriend, or lose both? Talk this decision over with your lady, too. I take it you have two days off a week when you can be with her, if they are the same two days.

You should also find out when it’s likely you can start doing day shifts. Ask around the workplace. There are some night-owl types who don’t want day shifts. Look for one of those people yourself, rather than putting pressure on the person who’s scheduling. If you can present a person who’s in charge with a solution to a problem you’re having at work, they will often be fine with implementing it.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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