Wife needs to find hobby equal to husband’s passion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 31/08/2017 (2974 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is fascinated with fireworks and finds any excuse to put on a little pyrotechnics show. I find it childish.

In the summer he organizes parties for any excuse, anyone’s birthday, anniversary, Canada Day, whatever. He’s never happier than when he’s at the fireworks store chatting with experts. I wonder if he’s a pyromaniac. He talks to people online about fireworks. He dreams about it. He wants to design them.

I tell him he’s cuckoo. What a waste of time and money. He says I’m a spoilsport, and last night he turned off the TV, sat down across from me, went all serious and said, “I’d never rain on your parade the way you do on mine.” That was it. He turned my TV show back on and walked away.

I’m kind of scared. I heard a tone in his voice last night that I had never heard before. It made me worry.

How am I supposed to react when my husband is wasting his time on a foolish hobby? I’m a sensible woman. Last year he spent several thousands on fireworks. They were beautiful, I admit, but really! Think what we could have bought with that for the house.

What am I supposed to do and say when he’s so foolish? — Wife of Fireworks Nut, Transcona

Dear Wife of Fireworks Nut: If someone has a hobby — a passion, something that makes them feel very happy — they are lucky! Why would you want to extinguish that? That’s a vital part of that person’s soul, and you’re trying to kill it?

It would be very easy for a sympathetic woman to get him away from you right now, especially if she supported him or shared his hobby. That may be the tone you were hearing: a kind of warning.

Maybe it’s time you made a bucket list for your life to find your special interests. You may have to dig deeply, going back to your childhood and what interested you before you started being distracted by romance, as many young people are.

What did you like to do when you were your true young self and not being criticized or told how how you should act? Were there things that thrilled you? Did you have dreams, wishes, secret desires or fun things you loved to do? Did you read books about different fun things and dream of one day doing them? There are many bucket-list sources online and 10,000 bucket-list ideas at the website daringtolivefully.com.

Once you find some of your own passions and goals, you’ll become more understanding of your husband’s love of fireworks, and you will likely also be looking for time to pursue your own adventures.

The best relationships overlap some of their bucket-lists ideas, while following others on their own, and both are supportive of each other.

Dear Readers: The letter I received below is a response to Wincing When She Laughs, the man who wrote about his girlfriend who laughs like a “hyena.” I suggested something such as vocal coaching for her, if she would be open to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: As a vocal teacher in Winnipeg, and having dealt with many students (mostly classical music and musical theatre), I was intrigued with the opportunity of working with a young woman whose laugh is not being enjoyed and shared positively with her boyfriend and others.

I would be happy to meet her to see how I might be able to assist in changes in her laugh and life.

I have worked with autistic young people, stroke victims and many adults. I have also been a high school teacher, professional singer and vocal adjudicator in Canada and Europe. — Wanting To Help, Winnipeg

Dear Wanting to Help: What a lovely offer! We may hear back, or not, but if any reader out there needs help with a similar problem, I’ll ask them to get in touch with me first at the address below, and I’ll send their letter or email to you.

Thanks again for your very gracious offer of skilled help. It is tragic not to be able to let loose and laugh without fear of being mocked. — Cheers, Miss Lonelyhearts

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography