Former lover is happily sailing on with another woman

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This article was published 05/09/2017 (3284 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I sent a note to a former love at his work. He phoned me right back and we met in our favourite bar. It could have been a great catch-up session with some flaming goodbye kisses as usual, but this time he wanted to tell me all about his new lady, and how happy he thought I would be for him.

I was devastated. I always thought we would get back together once he got his act together. Well, he did get it together, and he picked someone else to share it with. Why not me? He loved me for four years while I complained about his workaholic ways.

He told me I could take credit for making him see the error of his old ways. I felt like his aunt, not his sexiest girlfriend ever. The final boot to the gut was when he showed me a picture of the two of them having fun on a sailboat. That’s what I always begged him to do — sail away with me on my sailboat.

— Left Behind, Lake of the Woods

Dear Left Behind: It’s hard to experiment with something another person has nagged you to do, and then dumped you because you didn’t do it. With this new woman, he was able to do things without your words in his ears, criticizing him.

Know this: some of his bragging about this woman and his sailing was obviously meant to stick it to you. The photo of the two of them on the water was definitely a dirty jab.

The “you can take credit” line was pure venom disguised with a smile. Stop regretting the loss of this guy. His enthusiasm for leisure may depart with the end of sailing season. You need a guy who is naturally balanced between work and leisure. Then you’re truly matched.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My life is a mess since my sister read my diary about my unusual sex life. I’m not a young girl. I’m 27 and a closet lesbian with a lot of secrets. I have a fake boyfriend to trot out to special events and family affairs, and a close lesbian sex buddy for occasional fun. I’ve been in the closet because of my work and religion (I’m a Mennonite). I’m not masculine-looking. I wear makeup, dress in a very feminine way and always wear skirts and high heels. I just prefer women in my sex life.

A few weeks ago, I went to the lake with my family and took my locked diary. I have kept one for 20 years. This time I forgot to put it away and left it open in my unmade bed. My sister saw it and found my secret entries. I caught her an hour too late. That diary was a shocking eye-opener for her, and I’m suddenly out to my family, my sister’s friends and their friends and God knows who else. I feel naked, like a moving target. Should I confess at my work before it gets back to them?

— Hot Mess, Winnipeg

Dear Hot Mess: Whoa! It’s not necessary for work to hear a confession from you. If the gossip gets around, you can call it what it is — gossip. “Oh, you heard that rumour, too? Crazy!” is all you have to say to anyone who asks about it. And you can trot out your male friend to work get-togethers and be extra-affectionate with him. If someone is rude enough to persist, a good comeback line is, “If I heard a rumour about you, I wouldn’t repeat it.”

Then smile and make your exit. Not everybody has to come out if it doesn’t work for them.

As for your sister, talk to her about the potential for trouble in your line of work, now that she’s been blabbing, and ask her directly to stop. Let her know how hurt you are — not just angry — that she would read intimate writings about your life and spread the information she learned from your private words.

As for your parents, talk to your most sympathetic parent first in private, so he or she can ask questions and then you can talk to the other parent. Some good can come out of this, though. Your folks will stop hounding you to find a husband, for one, and let’s hope you find a wonderful love relationship that suits you beautifully.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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