Husband finds his joy when fun with wife ends

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This article was published 03/09/2017 (3262 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Over the summer, my husband has been acting crazy. Gone is the quiet man I used to know, and now this cowboy dude is coming out. He’s wearing blue jeans with a big belt, plaid shirts, cowboy boots and hats. And he’s going to places that play country music with a musician buddy of his.

I decided to spy on him. He’s 43 and this smacks of mid-life crisis. I went to his favourite new bar and saw him two-stepping around the dance floor with some babe on his arm.

She had a great figure and expensive cowboy boots. I wanted to smack her. I walked right onto the dance floor and said in a fake accent: “This is my husband, sweet cheeks. Y’all mind if I cut in?”

Then I asked his shocked face who that was and he said it was nobody. I kept prodding and finally he blew up and said, “I have a social life now. I have fun. I dance. People here are nice. They like me, and they laugh at my jokes, unlike you! Women here like to dance with me. You don’t like to do anything anymore!”

Talk about a slap in the face. I said, “I’m a 45-year-old woman with three kids who live at home,” and he said that was his point. He said I am still playing the mommy role even though our youngest child is now 20.

He said I used to be fun, but not anymore. When we left, he continued and told me I turned into my mother and that has been the only role I played since the kids were born. He asked if I was ever going to be a fun wife again.

That’s the longest personal speech he’s given in years and I heard a note in his voice I didn’t like. We’ve grown apart. Why? He’s been a crashing bore for the past 20 years. I don’t know what to think. What do you think? — Shocked, East Kildonan

Dear Shocked: I think he’s offering you a last chance by talking so plainly. He may still love you or what he remembers of you long ago. He wasn’t a crashing bore when you met him, or you wouldn’t have married him.

These new people he’s met don’t think of him that way and he likes the lively image. Counselling would only be a good idea if you realized it’s not about changing him out of his cowboy duds, back into the boring guy you recognize. He’s already gotten into a new phase of his life. Do you want to follow him? Then go dancing with him. Concerts? Buy tickets to something he would like and surprise him. Show him, if you still love him, that you’re still a fun person, not just a mother. And get him to come with you to fun events and places you like, too. You don’t need a babysitter to start dating each other again.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a guy we know at an event and commented on his huge belly to my wife.

She leaned over and pinched up a big roll of fat on my gut and said, “Maybe we all need to get in shape.” Now we’re on a freakin’ diet. She only had 10 pounds to lose, but I had 30. I want to quit this thing, but she keeps cooking all these low-calorie meals. I cheat in the car when I am away from the house. How can I tell her I want out of the deal? — 20 to Go, River Heights

Dear 20 to Go: If you’re going to continue to cheat at drive-thrus, be honest enough to tell your wife so she isn’t knocking herself out while you’re busy sabotaging her efforts. But think for a minute: why not stop cheating and go for another 10 pounds since she’s cooking these special meals for you? You may think you have a whole life ahead of you, but if you keep piling on weight, perhaps your heart won’t be able to take it. Also remember: an attractive, healthy body encourages an active sex life, which is always fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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