Man suffers embarrassment fleeing potential threesome

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This article was published 29/10/2017 (3260 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had a bad experience on the weekend. I went out for dinner with a woman whom I met online.

We had a few drinks and she invited me home to her apartment and I was thrilled. We got there and she had a roommate. It seemed she wasn’t going anywhere, so we included her in the bottle of wine we were drinking.

Then the two women went in the kitchen and had a discussion and a bunch of giggles. They came out and said they had something to tell me: they wanted to share me.

Then they yanked me in the bedroom and started undressing me. I got scared and overwhelmed and could feel nothing sexual was going to happen with my penis, so I said, like a big baby, “Get away from me!” and fixed up my clothes and took off.

I could hear them hooting as I ran down the stairs. How should I have handled this?

— Feeling Uncomfortable, Fort Rouge

Dear Feeling Uncomfortable: If the sexes were reversed, and two guys took a woman into the bedroom and started undressing her, it would be clear to anybody how totally wrong this situation was.

That’s why you’re feeling confused: because you’re a guy, you think you’re supposed to put out in this situation and tell yourself you got doubly lucky.

Don’t feel the least bit ashamed of running out of there. That was the beginning of a forced situation. Be really careful who you go home with, and when.

Sex on the first night with a stranger (or two) is a particularly bad idea when it’s not in your place of safety, nor by your invitation.

Take time to see a woman a few times, not just after one date involving liquor, and see who she really is before you commit to anything more than conversation and kisses. Drunkenness just makes people stupid. You need all your wits about you when you’re dating someone new.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a well-dressed man in his 60s on the bus to work. He was fun to talk to, and then he got on the exact same Portage Avenue bus again the next day at the same time.

He said he also worked downtown, but his work was private and he couldn’t talk about it. Then after about two weeks of riding downtown with me, he wasn’t on the morning bus anymore.

That hurt, for some reason.

One day, I came home early and got off before my street because I felt like walking through the neighbourhood. While walking who do I see raking his yard in an old sweater and baseball cap? The guy from the bus.

I stopped and asked why he wasn’t at his secret job downtown, and he blushed. He made a quick excuse that he had to go into the house right away, and I got the picture.

He’s probably some retired guy and he met me on the bus that one day, got a crush and decided to try and see me again. Then for some reason, he got tired of that and now he’s back raking his yard. Why are some people so ridiculous?

— Disgusted, Wolseley

Dear Disgusted: He might also be married and have a wife who was watching out the window, so he had to rush off. It’s disappointing to have an admirer who then disappears all of a sudden, isn’t it? It’s really important to ask a lot of questions when you meet a new person who’s cosying up to you.

“Are you married or are you seeing someone?” is a good question.

As for the job, he might have been dressed up to do volunteer work for a few weeks, and just decided to track you for awhile because you were attractive and seemed interested in him.

The two-week thing is creepy, as is the secret job. Oh well, that little flirtation is over now, for whatever reason, and no real harm was done. Try to write this one off fairly quickly. It’s not worth the free rent in your head.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The letter about an abusive grandma who said nasty things at the dinner table about her granddaughter’s small breasts and clothing reminded me of my own mother. She was a great grandma in the early years, but I noticed about 10 years before she died, how angry and mean she could be. It wasn’t until she was diagnosed with dementia that we understood her behaviour. Those years she was suffering and not knowing what was going on were hard for everyone. It is hard to forget her words and remember happier times, but you need to move on for your own health.

— Been There, Understand That

Dear Been There, Understand That: It’s so sad for everybody that dementia can rob people of their civility and kindness, resulting in the loss of loved ones. They can say cruel things with their loosened inhibitions. It’s hard to dismiss talk like that, which is not exactly crazy, but bitingly critical. We all have critical thoughts but don’t often let them out, and not in such a mean and nasty way.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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