Neighbour used apartment like a fleabag motel

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/01/2018 (2823 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: When I came back from holidays, I found evidence of someone using my bedroom. There were different sheets on the bed and there was no laundry soap left. I had left the woman next door to take care of my apartment and she came in to feed the fish, so she had my key.

Well, something fishy was going on all right! The garbage bag she forgot to take out had opened foil packets, wine bottles and takeout containers. I finally realized my married neighbour was seeing someone inside my apartment.

When I knocked on her door with the evidence in my garbage, she said, after a full minute of thinking, that she and her husband came over for a little romantic evening, something different to perk things up. It sounded phoney to me, so I asked her if I could ask her husband about it. (Her husband is a brute.)

Her face went dead white and she said I couldn’t ask him. I called her on her lie and asked for the $100 back that I paid her to look after my place. She gave me the money the next day.

I’m not a mean person, so does that make us even or am I now the worst part of a blackmail situation? She looks terrified of me when she sees me. I’m not really a scary person and I won’t tell on her. What should I do? I suspect I am now thought of as… — The Terrifier, East Kildonan

Dear The Terrifier: You need to have another talk with your neighbour and tell her not to be afraid of you, because you won’t tell her husband about her secret as you think he’s nasty to her. Tell her you’re keeping the $100, though, since she used your apartment like a hotel. Let her apologize. Make peace with her, change the lock and ignore her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a beautiful woman at a public event recently and she had no wedding ring on her finger. I went to work charming her over drinks and then I asked her out for dinner that evening. She said yes and we went to a nice restaurant nearby. We had a wonderful time and I asked her out for a date a few days later and she said, “No, I can’t go out with you in the evening, because then it’s like a real date.”

I asked her if we weren’t on a real date already, and she said it wasn’t. She considered it an extension of meeting at the afternoon event. She then told me she was married.

I asked why she didn’t mention being married and her lack of a ring. She said they were separated, but agreed not to date during the separation while they are thinking things over and working on things.

I was in disbelief, so I threw down some money for the bill and got up to leave. What is wrong here? I’m too mixed up to understand. Do you think she’s telling the truth?

She seemed to zig and zag, as the need came up. — Brain Strain, Downtown

Dear Brain Strain: Don’t invest another minute trying to figure her out.

She may have seemed nice, but she’s either still married or separated and a train wreck at this point. She probably doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she got a little thrill (and her dinner paid for) by not telling you the truth.

At this point, you still don’t know what the exact truth might be. Newly separated people are dangerous to single people. And then there’s the other ugly possibility: she might be totally free and just didn’t want to date you again, but she liked the attention (and the free dinner). Also, some people just lie, seemingly for no reason.

You don’t want anything to do with this woman, no matter what her situation, my friend.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a meddler in my love life. She is cold to girlfriends she doesn’t like and super sweet to girlfriends she does like. It’s like she’s trying to steer the boat, so she ends up with a daughter-in-law she likes. I’m 37 and have had a couple relationships nipped in the bud by introducing a woman I seriously like to my mother. What do you suggest? — Still Single, Westwood

Dear Still Single: You’re in your late-30s and you know you have a meddling mother. That means you have to declare yourself grown-up now and stop introducing anyone to “Big Mama” until you’ve solidified the relationship with the lady you love and give her an engagement ring. You should warn your ladies at the point where things are getting serious that your mom is a meddler and that’s why you’re not introducing her at the regular time a guy would. The right kind of woman will say “Bring her on!” You need a medium-strong woman, who doesn’t boss you. Good luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6