Pictures say a thousand words about new boyfriend

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/03/2018 (2780 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new boyfriend always has his camera at the ready, capturing new shots of me. He loves them all, even the ugly ones, the snotty ones and the sweaty ones. I try to edit those off his cameras. (I’m a photographer, too.)

But he won’t have it. “I love the unposed shots of you more than the posed shots.”

Surprisingly, he wants to marry me.

To make a point about the privacy issue, I took a bunch of inappropriate shots of him coming out of the bathroom, where he’d just had his morning shower, and threatened to put them online. He just laughed and said, “Go ahead! I’m not ashamed of any part of me or anything that comes off or out of my body!”

That ploy obviously didn’t work. I’d tried surprise shots with other boyfriends over the years and they hated the invasion of privacy, but this one is totally a let-it-all-hang-out, new-age hippie. He is quite willing to be completely known.

I’m not sure I want him to take total liberty with my privacy — and then find myself having to demand it back. There is no mystery in him and he has taken close-ups and embarrassing shots of me that make me feel like a bug being examined under a microscope. How can I get this point across to a born privacy invader? Or do I need to move on? — Torn Two Ways, The Exchange

 

Dear Torn: You could move on, but maybe take a second look at this realist, as he seems to like everything about you. You can totally relax with him. You won’t be hearing “Ewww” over anything. This man sounds like an underappreciated jewel — but for the right woman. Face facts. If you live with anybody for a length of time, they have all these upside-down and inside-out shots of you — in their minds, anyway. This guy’s just speeding up the process of getting that done.

On top of that, you know you’re completely admired and accepted after he’s seen all that. He won’t feel sick or turned off if you get pregnant and barf in the toilet bowl. He will be able to handle a baby’s face smeared with mashed green peas.

But if you stay with him for any length of time, you’ll need to teach him to keep intimate shots to himself and point out which ones make you wince, because he can’t see that kind of problem shot himself.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I live in a town way up north. Recently, out of the snowbank at the airport came a girl I recognized from high school, and she gave me a big grin and told me she was staying for a number of months for work. She had a temporary job. I remembered dating her back in about Grade 10 in Winnipeg, but didn’t remember much as we were all drinking and partying to the point where it’s a bit of a blur.

I ran into her again the next day and she asked me for coffee. We went and caught up with people we both knew. Then, she asked me about another guy everybody knows up here and I answered her best I could — he’s trouble. Well, I didn’t see her for about a week or so. Then, I found out she’s been holed up with this guy every hour he’s not working and she hasn’t started her job here yet.

Then, I started to feel this unreasonable jealousy because I don’t have anyone up here and she used to be my girlfriend. Then, I started having dreams about her — really sexy ones. Now, I’m so peeved when I run into her, I give her the angry cold shoulder. She probably doesn’t care. In clear moments, I’m thinking maybe I’m bushed. Maybe I need to come down south where the women are plentiful. Do you think I’m acting weird? — Am I Bushed? from Way Up North, MB

Dear Way Up North: In a word, yes. It seems you’re acting inappropriately for the situation and you may need a holiday or a whole new job down south for a while. You’re obsessing on the only woman who’s talked to you about anything remotely romantic recently — and you’re thinking you have some kind of claim on her, leftover from Grade 10? She’s from your high school — the distant past — and you can hardly remember her face through the mist of old-time party clouds. It’s time to take a vacation, bud. 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts, c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6