One-on-one time with mom better than family dinner

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This article was published 14/05/2018 (3015 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: On Mother’s Day, we hang out together as a family at Sunday dinner and I’m just one of the gang. On the day after Mother’s Day, my mom and I have a ritual where the two of us play rummy and eat her baking. She always makes brownies, which are my favourite.

I just wanted to pass on this little tip for people who find they might want an intimate little talk with their mom — just the two of them.

Also, when I’m struggling with anything in my life, I signal her by telling her I want to hang out and eat brownies and play rummy, and we get together privately again and talk over the problem. If it’s urgent, she’s still making the chocolate icing when I get there. And yes, she lets me lick the bowl.

— Mother’s Day Tips, North End

Dear Mother’s Day Tips: Thank for passing on this little ritual. My own mom died a number of years ago, but I can still hear her talking if I think of her and remember conversations we had, particularly when I was young and still lived in Manitou.

I can bring her voice back because I have a good auditory memory and can hear a lot of old quotes from her lips. I’m grateful because my mom was very easygoing and she could take the worry out of a lot of problems with her attitude that every little thing was going to be alright (cue the Bob Marley tune). Thanks, mom.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I don’t have a real mother that I know of. I was raised by an aunt and uncle of my dad’s.

He worked up north. I rarely saw my father, but he seemed like a big, nice enough guy, who brought me over presents when he came down to Winnipeg. He always stayed somewhere else.

Now that I’m older, I realize he probably stayed at the places of different girlfriends. My father never got married to anyone, although he was shacked up a few times.

My mother gave birth to me as a teenager and took off after a few days. Her parents didn’t want more kids to raise and she was too young to be able to raise me. Even when she got older and could have, she didn’t want to raise me.

Luckily, my dad’s aunt and uncle were really nice people with no kids and they took me in.

They spoiled me rotten and really loved me, but they didn’t want me calling them mom and dad, so on Mother’s Day at school I had to make a card for auntie instead.

My aunt certainly deserved some recognition for taking in a little baby and looking after me and bringing me up right. I didn’t get into trouble, my aunt and uncle made sure I got an education, and I have an excellent job and a pretty good marriage with one baby.

I haven’t looked for my biological mother to this point. Do you think I should? I’m not angry anymore and I have researched, so I know what steps to take.

— No Mom, Winnipeg

Dear No Mom: I know people who have done this and the results have been everything from, “Great, lots of forgiveness and peace,” to “Wish I’d never met her. She’s addicted and always after me for money.”

You aren’t wildly curious or you would have done some looking before. Do you feel you need to see her? If so, then you must do it, even just once, and maybe not at your aunt and uncle’s house, or your own house.

If it’s a mild curiosity, you might just ignore it. It depends on how much room it’s taking up in your brain and how it feels. If it bothers you every day, then do it. If it bothers you once a year around Mother’s Day, maybe let it be and celebrate your aunt, who was truly your mother according to the definition of being your loving and motherly caregiver.

If you are an extremely curious cat, you would investigate no matter what the end result might be. Please write back and let us know what you decide — and the end result.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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