Shop around for good church fit

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/05/2018 (3060 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I go to this energetic church with a lot of younger people in attendance and I really enjoy it. I love the rock-style music.

What I don’t love is the “Have you been saved?” evangelical aspect. I grew up in a church that assumed, as God’s children, we were all saved. I don’t feel I need to be saved again. I don’t want to leave this church’s music, but they have subtle ways of making you feel like an outsider. What do you think?

— Church Outsider, Winnipeg

Dear Outsider: A lot of churches that are not evangelical have big modern music programs with bands and singers now.

You might want to shop around for a middle-of-the-road church where you don’t need to be saved with a ceremony to fully participate. It’s important to feel comfortable, and that you can relax and belong in your place of worship.

There’s lots to be learned by shopping around. It can be enjoyable going with another friend who’s curious about the many different styles and programs, and then having lunch afterwards and discussing your experiences. You’re bound to find a good fit at some point.

It used to be that people went to churches, temples and synagogues in their own neighbourhoods, often within walking distance. Now, many people travel across the city to a place that suits them best.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a control freak and likes to orchestrate big surprises for birthday and anniversary celebrations. I’d rather know about everything and be part of it. He says he doesn’t want me to “lift a finger.” But I’m very good at lifting a finger in the kitchen and I’m a great baker. I think he just likes being in total control of me. What do you think?

— Pouting, Southdale

Dear Pouting: I don’t think he wants to control you. He likes to give to you in a big way, and he doesn’t want you to reject any of his big ideas by saying he’s doing too much.

There could be many reasons he’s this way. He may have had a parent who always wanted him to tone down his creative ideas. Maybe he missed his calling as an event organizer or an actor.

You didn’t mention what he does for a living, but my guess is it’s neither of those things and that he’s probably not the boss who calls all the shots at work.

After your birthday, you might subtly suggest he work for a charity that stages a lot of events. He could do a lot of good for a lot of people.

As for your own behaviour around birthdays and anniversaries, stop pouting and don’t complain. Go out and pamper yourself and get dressed up and really enjoy what he cooks up for the day’s events.

You don’t know how many sad letters I receive from women who get nothing from their husbands except late-in-the-day roses from a grocery store on their way home from work and maybe a card.

Enjoy this loving, dramatic man you have. Don’t crush him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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