Perfect time to work on yourself

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 07/06/2020 (2249 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a single woman in my early 30s, just out of a relationship of five long years. We made the mistake of moving in with each other too early, and by the end of it we couldn’t stand each other.

Things came to the boiling point when we started nagging each other over trivial things like how to put gas in the car, how we put the dishes away, the way we pronounce certain words and stupid sexual complaints about touching techniques.

I felt so beaten down by the end of it I told myself “no men for at least a year.” Here I am at about eight months, and already feeling very lonely. The pandemic has multiplied that, by not allowing me to visit with friends and hug them.

I am also too old for dating apps and the headaches they cause. What would you suggest for getting back into the dating game?

— Ready To Try Again, Transcona

Dear Ready: If you want to find a wonderful long-term match in your 30s you might want to get yourself in training for it. Get into the best shape you’ve ever been — physically, mentally and financially. You can accomplish these three things at once.

Assess your health and get yourself out in the good weather to exercise, whether it’s running, biking or swimming. For your mental and emotional health, go see a relationship counsellor or psychologist to figure out exactly what went wrong with former relationships, and what type of guy would be the best match for your personality.

Then there’s finances. If you’re not great at them, you need to get to a place where you aren’t living month-to-month, and you have savings. You need to live in a place that’s easily affordable for one person, leaving you with enough money to eat healthily, buy clothes and go out regularly — and which will allow you to put money aside for travel, when that becomes possible again.

When you’re ready to start looking at activities with new people, try an organization such as match.ca. First, ease into it with women’s activities, then mixed groups, and then singles’ group activities.

The overall goal is to reset your stability, pride, confidence and financials. Then you can start coming out of your shell socially. You’ll have the advantage of feeling confident and ready for new and better relationships — perhaps a long-lasting one, and children if you want them. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have been married for two years and we’re having a great time. We don’t have kids, and aren’t planning to for a while (we’re in our early 30s).

The question I have is one about passion. We are still hot-and-heavy and don’t want to lose it. What are some good ways to maintain that level of closeness and passion?

— Afraid To Ever Lose That, Westwood

Dear Afraid: The fastest way to slow that passion down is to keep on doing exactly what you’re doing now, because it’s worked so far. For long-term happy sexual couples, sex is a lifelong journey. It takes into account less active times around having babies, knowing it will always come back.

Here are two easy things to keep both of you charged up: First, become acquainted with quality sex shops and everything they offer. Secondly, head to bookstores (and bookshelves in sex shops) to keep reading and educating yourselves.

Some sensual couples like you two have gotten into tantric sex, where one of the skills is keeping one another on the brink of orgasm for amazingly long lengths of time. There is so much to learn about advanced sexual techniques, and most people just don’t bother to find out!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m looking to ask my girlfriend to marry me and I don’t know how. I’m not the most outgoing guy, but I love her and we both feel very strongly about each other. We “get” one another.

I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life, but I have no idea how to go about asking her. I haven’t hinted to her either. I’m a bit shy, so I don’t know where to start. I don’t want to screw it up. What do you suggest?

— First Timer, Fort Richmond

Dear First Timer: Do what suits your personality — and hers. If you’re both shy types, then go very romantic and private, with roses and a candlelight dinner at your place. Then, propose and give her the ring!

If she’s an outgoing ball of fire, you’re safe planning something a little more dramatic — maybe at sunset by a lake or in a park, with the diamond ring and an old-fashioned proposal down on one knee. Then have a bonfire and fireworks with friends who arrive 15-30 minutes later to join you and celebrate.

But if you’re really not sure if she’s going to say yes, be sure to plan something at your place, so nobody’s watching if the ring isn’t accepted, and you don’t have to drive home feeling like an emotional wreck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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