Best to drop the curtain on al fresco sex drama

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/06/2020 (1945 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend likes outdoor sex and the weather is getting warm. I humoured him last summer as we were just getting to know each other and we were falling in love — I hoped. He’s also an exhibitionist, and I don’t like pretending to go along with it when he wants to take risks at being seen.

Now we’re a real couple, and I don’t want to do things that make me feel uncomfortable. I prefer guaranteed privacy for great sex, but he gets off on the possibility we might get caught and shock somebody.

He likes to go for “picnics” in the dunes along the east beaches of Lake Winnipeg. Yesterday he mentioned going for our first one, and I mumbled that I really didn’t want to do that anymore. He said angrily, “Now you tell me! Now that you think you’ve got me?” He was really upset and has been very quiet since. What should I do?

— Losing My Crazy Guy? West Kildonan

Dear Losing: The problem with faking enthusiasm for anything in courtship is that it inevitably backfires! You don’t really want to perform with him in another summer season of exhibitionist drama, and he’s upset that you faked being into it to get him. He may go looking for another leading lady for the 2020 beach season.

Think about this: Do you really want to spend your whole life with a guy like this, when his favourite type of sex makes you nervous and you just want to run away from it? The best partner for an exhibitionist is another exhibitionist.  The best partner for you is someone who wants guaranteed privacy — so you both can feel free and uninhibited. You might want to say goodbye and wish each other well, as this wasn’t a 100 per cent match for either of you, and the bugs are on the way.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In regard to the barking dog discussions recently in your column, no one has written about city bylaws dealing with noisy canines. It’s totally NOT allowed in Winnipeg.

— I’m Not Barking, Winnipeg

Dear I’m Not Barking: People can contact the City of Winnipeg Animal Services Agency by dialing 311. The offence in barking cases is worded this way: “Fail to prevent dog from barking, howling or unduly disturbing others,” and the pre-set fine is $200. By the way, the “no barking” law is in effect 24 hours a day.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I flirted with a guy in the patio district on Corydon who was two tables over — by using pretend sign language. It was my first weekend out in public with the social-distancing thing partially letting up. He responded and we just made cute stuff up with our fingers, like hearts, and pointed to different body parts and smiled with a thumbs up. It was really fun! We were able to communicate enough to say we thought each other was cute.

I was with my girlfriends and he was with some buddies. We were respecting physical distancing, so we didn’t approach each other. At the end of the evening we held up fingers, to give each other our phone numbers. So sweet!

But then he didn’t call. I tried the number he signed me, and I left a message saying, “Hi, I’m the girl from the patio, who was playing sign language with you. Is this the right phone number?” No response, not even, “Sorry, I was just being a goof.”

I’m pretty disappointed. I thought we liked each other. What happened?

— Hurt at a Distance, Corydon Avenue

Dear Hurt: He may have a girlfriend already, and was just showing off and flirting to impress the guys. It’s also possible he might have given you the wrong number, or you misunderstood his finger signs for it. Or maybe he got your number wrong. I understand you’re feeling foolish and embarrassed, but the fault is likely nobody’s.

Don’t spend too much time worrying about it, as it might have been a misunderstanding. If you do see him again on that patio again, talk to him even if you have to shout!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.