Dual home offices call for give and take between spouses

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/06/2020 (2252 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I am very resentfully tiptoeing around my partner. We are a happily married gay couple but we have been getting on each other’s nerves working from home because of COVID-19. My business requires a lot of phone conversation, while his requires silence, so he can think and write.

I have tried to speak quietly on the phone, but closing the door of my small office off the living room is not happening, as I get claustrophobic. I told him to set up a desk in the spare bedroom and shut the door. He says he doesn’t want to work beside a bed.

I try to keep my voice down, but I’m in sales and people don’t want to hear the salesman whispering. They want me to be jovial, as usual. When I do keep my voice way down, they will ask me if I’m sick! That’s the last thing anybody wants these days.

Last night we had a big fight and he threatened to go to his mom’s to stay and work. He’d live in her spare room (his old bedroom, with a bed still in it!) for the next month until he can get back into his office downtown.

His mother and I are great friends, so I called her privately and she said she doesn’t want him over there day and night. So, what the heck would work?

— So Frustrated! Fort Richmond

Dear Frustrated: Ask his mom if she could suggest he work there six hours a day, and go home at 4 p.m. He should not be there at dinner-prep time, as she needs her privacy back.

This way you can save your relationship, your job and your sanity. Getting irritated with your forever-there spouse is not unusual. Lots of couples are experiencing the same thing. Getting outdoors for solo walks and runs is part of the answer, or going out for daily noon-hour drives. Patronizing small places that aren’t getting much business may keep them from going under. Bring back food and drink gifts for your spouse.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have two girlfriends. The minor one is here, and the major one is in another province, finishing her degree. I’d like to marry her in a few years. I didn’t have the cojones to admit to the major girlfriend that I have a Manitoba sex-partner.

My away-girl phoned as usual early last night, and was very excited about driving all the way home in a month — for a job she’s landed in her field. Yes! I know I have to split with the girlfriend here at home, and I don’t know what to tell her. Please help.

— My Life Could Explode Anytime, Winnipeg

Dear Explode: How about the truth? There’s no time to let her down gently. You need to tell her fast — not two days before your greater love arrives back. Your local girlfriend needs time to rage and cry and get past the brunt of it all, before your bigger relationship hits town, and the rejected girlfriend is still so angry she gets in touch with her. You may be left with no one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I married a man who runs a small business, and quit my secretarial level job. He took me into his business because he “trusted me implicitly” and promoted me until I was his executive assistant and pretty much ran the place for him for several years while he made outside deals and travelled.

Then we had two children close together and I went on maternity leave for the two pregnancies. My husband hired another executive assistant. Now, the kids are old enough and I want to go back to work at his business.

It’s been a while since I worked, but he won’t give me my executive secretary job back, though he’ll give me something at mid-level. This is causing a bit of a blow-up.

— Not A Mid-Level Worker, Winnipeg

Dear Not: Maybe it’s time to look for work as an executive secretary or executive assistant elsewhere.

Many people have children close together, and almost back-to-back maternity leaves, though they go back to their workplace for a time in the middle. Did you do that, too? You didn’t mention how old the kids are now, so I don’t know how long you’ve been away from your husband’s company and that position. Maybe you should graciously take the mid-level position and see what it works into down the road, considering all your skills.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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