Hold the line against mom’s risky behaviour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/11/2020 (2157 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother is many nice things, but she’s also a liar and a drinker and makes careless choices. She phoned the other day to guilt me, saying she wants to be part of our COVID bubble. She says we’ve hurt her feelings by not inviting her over to see the grandkids and be part of the group we trust during the pandemic.

I asked her if she and her (third) husband were still seeing their big crowd of party friends and she said, “Absolutely not!” I said, “Mom, I know the truth!” I told her I knew she was lying because one of her cronies is my next door neighbour. Mom is still happily hosting her friends, anybody who is dumb enough to come over. These people get drunk and they might bring the virus from their own bubbles of family and friends.

My husband isn’t crazy about my mother at the best of times and says he doesn’t want her over at our house until this crisis is over. What should I say when she calls?

— Extremely Upset, Winnipeg

Dear Extremely Upset: Hold that line! Your husband and your kids need to be protected, as do you. Just say a big, solid “no.” Keep your voice quiet-though-determined on the phone, and the message short. Tell her you and your husband have decided to keep your circle tiny, and you look forward to seeing her online or hearing her on the phone, and let her know she’s welcome to talk to the kids that way, too.

Then say, “I love you, but this is our decision,” and get off the phone on any excuse, as this conversation, not handled well, could develop into a nasty fight that won’t be forgotten past COVID-19.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just read your response to Had it With Obnoxious Neighbour (The lady gets drunk and puts up signs on the facing window, like “Clean Up Your Garbage” and “Keep Your Dogs Inside.” I suggested half-window café curtains and a call to the non-emergency police line. — Miss L.) I’d go a step further and see if she could put signs up that say, “You look beautiful!” and “You are my favourite neighbour” and “Our dogs love you.” I have a sign in my window saying, “You Can Do This” that has up there, since COVID started. When we are at our lowest, we lash out, are easily annoyed, tired and so on. And I’d definitely say it’s been like this over these past months.

— Fake it Till You Make It, Manitoba

Dear Fake It: You sound like a lovely lady, but the alcoholic neighbour who puts up angry, insulting signs for the upset letter writer will not fall for fake love at this point. She may see it as sarcasm — and then watch out!

The war is on, and the husband has been contacted. The victim needs two rows of “café curtains,” with the bottom ones being lined so you can’t see through them. The perpetrator of the harassment needs a visit from the police, the sooner the better.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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