Advice to step up and cut out the selfish behaviour

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/11/2020 (2156 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m writing because I wonder what our forefathers who fought in the First and Second World Wars would have thought about this pathetic war on the coronavirus. People now are so spoiled and self-centred that too many don’t stay home from group gatherings and parties — and now we’ve got a terrible second wave as a result.

Many people have died — and not fighting for freedom! They have died because foolhardy people, many of them young and strong enough to beat the virus, didn’t care about the people who would get very ill. And many have died in isolation! Where is people’s self-discipline? What a bunch of weaklings.

— Disgusted Son of a Soldier, Manitoba

Dear Disgusted: You make an excellent point. “Suggestions” for behaviours that require self-denial, loneliness and boredom don’t work as well as enforceable rules. But it’s not just the young people. There is blatant flouting of safety rules in all age groups since COVID-19 started taking hold, and doubly so since people started getting weary of the necessary safety rules.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart is breaking because my new boyfriend came over on Halloween in a very sexy costume paired with mine, and we drank a bottle of wine and made love in our character costumes. It was the most sensational experience ever.

Since then, he’s just disappeared! No answering his cellphone or replying online. I went to his apartment and buzzed him, but he would not answer, even though his car was parked in its stall and his lights were on. He ghosted me. That kind of sounds funny because he did it to me on Halloween, but it’s heartbreaking to me.

What did I do wrong? He was so hot and loving, but when he left at 2 a.m. saying oddly that he was “late,” I was tired and happy, so I sweetly kissed him goodbye and went to sleep. Now I’m wondering what he was late for? Is that the clue I’m missing? What is your guess? All I can do is obsess about it.

— Messed Up Inside, Downtown

Dear Messed Up: Why do you think you did anything wrong? He disappeared or ghosted you for the same reason he said he was “late” — you can bet he had another date. And that is the person he’s seeing now instead of you. He may have decided to give you one last night of his charm, or he may have been caught out and forced to stay away from you lest he lose a relationship he already had going.

You mention he was a new boyfriend, so not necessarily committed to you. He may have thought you were wonderful and exciting, but he may have been cheating on another and was just dying to see you one more time — for the costumes and role-playing. Write him off as an “interesting experience” and please don’t blame yourself. He will never forget that night and you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I spend too much time together now, because of the pandemic. I can’t just phone friends and ask them to hang out. What can I do? I love him but I’m sick of his face.

— Trapped With What’s-His-Name

Dear Trapped: Fresh air is healthier than sharing indoor air right now. This is a great time to start some solo outdoor activity like bird-watching, geocaching or walking in ever-increasing loops from your home to get fit. Photography is also gaining in popularity — sunsets, birds, animals, trees.

If you prefer driving, this is a good time to get acquainted with parts of the city and countryside you don’t know.

You might invest in a telescope to get into watching the stars, moon and planets. Take some coffee and a treat outside, and literally “enjoy yourself.” Have fun!

Do you love to sing in a group, but want to stay safe? I just joined a choir that meets and practises online. It’s called Margaret’s Choir and you don’t have to be a good singer! The choir was formed for people who just wanted to sing and may have even have been told they weren’t any good. There are no auditions; the website, with info on how to join, is margaretschoir.ca. Practices are online in groups and it’s lots of fun.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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