Long-distance connection can help you both cope

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/11/2020 (2155 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m miserable since my girlfriend went back to her home country. Her wealthy parents sent her a ticket at the first hint of COVID-19, and told her there was no choice but to get on the plane, as her monthly living money would be cut off otherwise. I am a poor student, so I couldn’t “keep” her. Off she went, with many tears at the airport. We are still in touch electronically, and I love her just as much or more, if possible. What now?

— Longing For Her, Downtown

Dear Longing: Don’t think about “what now” because none of us know how long it will take to get a good vaccine out in the world — and then enough people vaccinated. For now, we have to love friends, relatives and our sweethearts in the safest ways we can. You are “alone,” but not alone in this problem. Don’t make it worse by complaining!

Make it better for your long-distance lover. Pour your energy into communication with cards and letters, and long online visits. Keep the conversation away from being apart, and help each other stay afloat. Life will be normal again. Believe in that, and be a positive force in your girlfriend’s life. She will always thank you for your strength and help in the hard times, and maybe you will get together for a lifetime.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just read the letter from Feeling Bad For the Kid, about a mom who used her “son’s needing to pee” to cut ahead in the checkout line. The boy protested, “No I don’t. You always say that, mommy.” (Miss L. told Feeling Bad the best idea was to let it go, as it only meant a few more minutes’ wait, and the boy was likely in big trouble with mom.)

When I was little, my mom struggled with bladder control issues and occasionally used me as an excuse to access private washrooms in stores. I thought it was embarrassing at the time and, knowing me, I probably protested the odd time.

Now that I’m an aging mother of several children myself, I finally understand how difficult and humiliating bladder issues can be and have sympathy for my own mom. Yes, some parents are jerks, but it’s possible this mom is facing the same problem as my mom did. Thanks!

— Just Another Point of View, Winnipeg

Dear Another Point: Yes, there’s a small chance the mother in question was dealing with a bladder problem, but her son was really tired of getting used. He knew he didn’t need to go, and besides, little kids are not used to the sophistication of untruths. Lies and excuses upset them big-time, especially if they are always being set up as the cause of the problem.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think you dropped the ball answering the letter from Mom Left Out in the Cold, about the son with a new girlfriend and her children. The guy’s mom wasn’t immediately excited to meet them. To start with, she says this was a girlfriend of three months, which meant they started dating during the pandemic. Did they follow protocols? If she is a nurse, she should not be bringing people into her bubble, period!

Secondly, when my son told us his new girlfriend had a daughter, he didn’t want us to meet the little girl until they were sure of the relationship, and at first I was a little offended. We met her after they were dating six months. This very wise woman did not want to bring people in and out of her child’s life, and after I met her I couldn’t imagine how hard it was going to be on me, let alone her, if they broke up. Luckily, they got married, and we have a fantastic little granddaughter.

— Been There! Manitoba

Dear Been There: Your son was delaying the meeting until he and his girlfriend were both sure they’d stay together. But, in this case, the son was quite ready to invite his mother to a meeting — and all she said was a chilly “Someday.” No explanation given!

Then she went on about her “boy,” and his plans for medical school and her concerns about that getting messed up. The “boy” is in his mid-20s, going with a nurse, who’s not likely pulling him in another direction. Mama was definitely snubbing the girlfriend.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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