Figure out non-violent means to quell conflict

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This article was published 09/11/2020 (1801 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been thinking about writing for years, and finally things have come to a head. I’m not generally a violent person, but anger can blow my cool.

My three buddies were at my man cave (garage behind the house) and this guy who’s new to the group pockets one of my expensive small tools — just slid it into the big pocket of his winter jacket.

I see his move out of the corner of my eye, and say nothing at first. He suddenly decides he has to go — and I’m up blocking the door. I said, “Give me back the tool you put in your pocket, you SOB, or you’re not leaving here in one piece.” He says, “I never took anything!“ and I made a grab for his pocket. He hit me, so I decked him and grabbed my tool while he was on the floor, and kicked him a few times. My buddies were trying to stop me.

Half an hour later his wife phones my cellphone and says I assaulted her husband. She says she’s going to to call the cops, even if he doesn’t. I said, “Go ahead. He was trying to steal an expensive tool.” Suddenly it gets silent on her end of the phone. Obviously she hadn’t been told that part of the story.

I think I did the right thing, but my over-sensitive wife disagrees. How else could I have handled it?

— In The Right, Weston

Dear In The Right: You were there with other buddies. You could have blocked the door and insisted on getting your tool back if he wanted to leave that garage. You didn’t need to deck him and kick him repeatedly.

You should know it’s a smart idea to avoid assault charges, even if you felt the guy deserved it, as there are serious penalties. It’s not as if you were alone! You had other guys there to help apply social pressure, and they actually tried to stop you from kicking him when he was on the floor.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I used to love how my wife looked — about 45 pounds too heavy, but in all the right places. You get the picture? This summer she decided get in shape and lose weight. Well, when she decides she wants something, she goes after it. That’s how she got me — a sworn bachelor. She chased me until I let her catch me, and I was never sorry until now.

She is everything to me, except now there is much less of her. She lost her full bosom, her shapely bottom and thighs and now she looks like a stick. She dieted off every curve (and I overheard some vomiting lately) and now she’s all hard little muscles and bones.

She has become a compulsive exerciser and daily long-distance runner. It’s like she’s addicted. She weighs herself five or more times day!

She’s so thin now she doesn’t even look good in her clothes. I see her wasting away and I think there’s something really wrong with her. I asked her last night if she would go see a shrink about this obsession, and she lost it on me. “You jerk! After all I went through, to get fit for you?”

I said, “You’ve gone past fit to obsessed, and you’re wasting away. I’m scared for you.” She just flounced out of the room saying, “What do you know?”

— Scared Husband, Winnipeg

Dear Scared: People can become so obsessed with the scale and watching the numbers go down that they can’t stop. You’re right to sound the alarm now, especially since you suspect anorexia and bulimia (making oneself throw up). In your wife’s mind, she sees every pound gained as a failure and every pound lost as a victory. You may have to band together with close friends and/or relatives for an intervention.

The Women’s Health Clinic’s eating disorders program is available for those who have anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, disordered eating, binge-eating disorder or compulsive eating.

If a person is medically stable, and doesn’t need intensive services like meal support, day hospital, or in-patient services, they can contact the clinic by phone at 204-947-2422, ext. 137 (in Winnipeg) or toll-free at 1-866-947-1517, ext. 137 (outside Winnipeg) or by email at edprogram@womenshealthclinic.org. They don’t need a doctor’s referral.

If the person does need intensive treatment and medical stabilization, the contact the Health Sciences Centre at 204-787-3482. For this avenue, the person does need a doctor’s referral.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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