Let game-playing ghoster be a good love lesson

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 22/05/2021 (1916 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My heart has just been broken for the first time; it hurts so much! I did everything right: looked great for him, did everything to please him, bought him nice presents. Then he ghosted me after four months. I couldn’t find him anywhere, no contact from him, didn’t answer his phone and I was blocked online.

Last week I went to his house and his mother let me in. She called him and he came downstairs in his jeans — no shirt— and looked at me, shocked. He started apologizing, and that made me cry. I reminded him of everything I did for him! Then, before I’d agree to leave, I demanded he tell me what made him ghost me.

You know what he said? “It was too easy, no fun anymore!”

I ran out the door to the car, and before I could get in, I heard his mother yelling at him. She must have been hiding and listening in to our conversation. I just don’t know what else I could have done. I loved him so much.

— Tried My Very Best, River Heights

Dear Tried: For this young guy, romance is still just a game. Luckily, he gave you an honest answer. It hurt, but it had the ring of truth, ugly as it was. Next time you’ll know. Romance is not about trying hard or doing your best with an immature guy. That’s how you earn good grades — not how you keep a boyfriend like this guy for any length of time. He only wants the chase: not knowing for sure how you feel, plotting to impress you and the big thrill whenever he gets you to go out with him.

As soon as he could get that easily and knew you were under his thumb, he dumped you without even telling you — just disappeared. Ghosting is about as low as you can go, so while you may think you have lost something in this, you have lost nothing but a game player. Next time, pick a guy who’s mature for his age and wants a loving and caring relationship, not a big chase.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother has been “seeing someone,” but wouldn’t tell me any more — like the identity of her “boyfriend.”

I have one best friend in this pandemic and we spent last weekend together at her house. But I felt sick to my stomach and went home, very early in the morning.

Guess who was in bed with my mother? It was a woman — the person I’ve known for the last year as her “best friend.” One thing I know is they were not sleeping together for lack of space. There’s a spare bedroom in our house and a basement room with a pull-out couch. And they both looked guilty as sin.

My mom’s “best friend” dressed in five seconds, grabbed her purse and said, “Well I guess I’d better be going now. It’s getting late.” My mom tried to explain, but ended up throwing her hands up and saying that useless old line, “It is what it is.”

I said, “Is she why Dad left us?” She said nothing, and just went back into her bedroom and cried. We’re not talking about anything much since. What should I even say?

— Her Totally Lost Daughter, East Kildonan

Dear Lost: It’s your mom who has all the information, and she doesn’t want to go anywhere past telling what you absolutely need to know. So, you must take the lead. Ask for a serious talk with her, and then ask all the questions in your mind. Let her answer them as best she can. Some questions she may refuse to answer.

Try to stay away from an accusatory voice like the one you used last time; you will get more and better answers.

As for your mom and dad’s relationship, be aware that your father might not even know his ex-wife is in a sexual situation with a woman. This may have been a completely new development for your mother, starting after the marriage breakup — or not. As for your mom’s love life previous to your dad, who knows? Your mother may or may not feel she needs to share that history.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into an old boyfriend who’s just moved back to Winnipeg for a job. We parted, not that amicably, four years ago, when he buzzed off to Montreal.

He said he’d lost contact with a lot of people in Winnipeg and wondered if we could be friends now, and then mentioned he has a new girlfriend here. I said, “No problem. That’d be perfect — after COVID. By the way, I have a husband here now.” He said, “Well, that didn’t take long!” and immediately lost interest in our being friends.

— So, What Happened? St. Boniface

Dear What Happened: That little rooster could only be friends with you if you didn’t have his successor in tow. He liked the idea of strutting his stuff with his new woman in front of you, but sure didn’t like the idea of your bringing another guy into the circle. Don’t waste another minute of your life wondering about him.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography