Put pen to paper to communicate with chilly sister

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 25/05/2021 (1963 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a dilemma and I’m too bitter to make the right decision. My only sister and I do not get along. My husband says her blood runs cold, but I don’t know. She’s always disliked me for as long as I can remember. I was thinner, taller, more athletic and smarter at school — but my mother always favoured her, pitying her, I think.

I didn’t pity her. I thought she was fine the way she was, but she grew up bitter and found every excuse to hate me, until she no longer speaks to me. Fine. Not all sisters are meant to be close, but she has been mean to me ever since I gave her my piggybank, hoping she’d be nice to me. Well, still no dice 15 years later.

Now I found out I have a hereditary disease. I’m pretty sure she’s been sick from it too, but doesn’t know about. Other than what’s necessary, we haven’t spoken for years, and I don’t feel like sharing the information. Is it worth trying? What do you think?

— Family Dilemma, Fort Richmond

Dear Dilemma: Do the decent thing, even though she’s been beastly to you. She really should be given that important information. If you don’t think she’d accept a phone call, ask a friend or relative she prefers (like a cousin or aunt) to tell her. No help there? Use the element of surprise.

Nobody gets personal letters anymore, so write her a brief note with the information about the condition she might have, but not know it. Enclose a few referrals to medical sources online and to your specialist.

Don’t put your address on the outside of the letter, in case she rips it up without reading it. Also give a copy to someone else in the family to be sure she sees the info.

Do this much for her, just because of the blood connection. You gave up on being friends long ago, and it’s understandable, but you need to feel good about yourself and what you do.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just got my own apartment in a sketchier area of town than my folks live in. Now that I’m here alone, I feel pretty vulnerable. While nothing bad has happened yet, I feel weird walking around looking intentionally miserable to keep people from talking to me.

I guess the thing is, it’s always guys trying to talk to me. Like I said, nothing bad has happened yet, but I just want to be safe.

I don’t want to tell my parents, because they already warned me this area isn’t safe and I said, “Got it covered!” I don’t want to worry them, so I haven’t said anything. I figured you’d might have some wisdom to share.

— No, I Don’t Feel Like Talking, Sir! Core Area

Dear Don’t Feel Like Talking: Move out of this area, where you’re already sensing you’re in danger, as soon as possible. You’re experiencing scary guys trying to hustle you. Don’t wait until you get hurt. Also, carry a loud body alarm, consider biking rather than walking, and try to get safe rides after dark.

Did you get this first apartment to gain a feeling of independence from your folks? Ironically, you’re less free. It’s not too soon to make a change for the better, and both you and your parents will be happier. There’s cheap housing to be found in other areas of the city and there’s also more safety in having a roommate. It’s cheaper sharing rent and you need some company.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work long hours at my job and it requires me to enter buildings to do repairs. I get it done, so my family eats and we keep a roof over our heads. My wife also works hard — but she loves her job, and it pays well.

I hate mine so much I feel like it’s consuming me, but I don’t have the cojones to tell my wife. She has a sharp edge to her, and I know she’ll hit the roof if I tell her I want to go back to school or switch careers.

When I get home, I’m so beat I don’t even want to play with the kids and I feel like I’m losing myself. How can I tell the woman I love dearly that I want to quit my job?

— Miserable Husband, St. James

Dear Miserable: Instead of a guy who hates his job, become a man with a new plan. Do your research now, but quietly. Figure out exactly what you want to do, make phone calls, get information on jobs/careers that interest you and about financial resources to pay for the education you’ll need.

Perhaps there are starter courses you could take online right now that might jack up your mood. Tell your wife what you’d like to do in the near future, but don’t quit your job while COVID is still major concern; you and your family need that security right now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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