Party time may just be on pause for ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/09/2021 (1850 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife left me a year before the pandemic to sow her wild oats, or more accurately, to drink, party and have sex with a bunch of people. We got married too young, but we both come from religious families.

Now, guess what? She wants to get back together! I guess it hasn’t been too much fun the last year and a half — and God knows I’m celibate and safe.

She said her “time out” was just so she could see if she was missing something in her life, and now she realizes there wasn’t and that I was the most important thing to her. Well, isn’t that special?

She broke my heart so she could have sex and party — and now she wants to come back? I’m not interested, and I told her as much. Then she got mad and told me it was my fault she left in the first place, because I’m so boring.

Then she messaged me two days later, saying she was sorry, and that she had been crying and needed to talk. I just ignored the message, but now I’m feeling kind of mean. Should I hear her out? Or is that opening a door a little bit that I shouldn’t open at all?

— Difficult Situation, Wolseley

Dear Difficult Situation: Responsible adults — “boring” to some — usually have jobs, pay the rent, have food money and even (yawn!) put savings in the bank. So why is your ex trying to come back now? Methinks she’s looking for a safe place to land for a few months.

Look, it didn’t bother her to dump you and go party. She may be looking to play with you again now — for a few months. She knows you’re safe, if nothing else. Unfortunately, you’re still a little bit interested or you wouldn’t even be thinking about hearing her out. And there was a time you found her attractive, so be very careful!

If you want to hear more of her sob story, listen to her on the phone where you can’t see her pretty pout or put your arms around her warm body while she cries her crocodile tears.

On the phone, ask her bluntly about her living situation: Has she lost her job? Did her last boyfriend break up with her? Find out what the real problem is, because you can bet there is one — and it has nothing to do with you.

She didn’t suddenly have an epiphany that you were the exciting man of her dreams.

The good news? You may be that wonderful guy to someone else, so keep that playing field open, and find the right lady for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I feel compassion for the mom with the baby who won’t sleep unless she’s also napping. Does he need to see her sleeping too? Does he need to be co-napping?

I’d like to make some suggestions. One is to try a white noise background — maybe run a fan in the room or something similar.

Another idea is to sing him some lullabies or quiet songs to lull him to sleep. For example, I used to sing to my grandchildren “You Are My Sunshine,” “Kumbaya” and “Jesus Loves Me.” I sang them over and over, until they were so relaxed it was hard to stay awake. Rubbing the baby’s back and dimming the lights helped too.

When my daughter was really small, I used a baby backpack to carry her around while I did housework like vacuuming and going out to do laundry.

Best of all, I used a slow cooker, which was especially handy. I put it on in the morning, took my baby to the babysitter and went to work myself. Then I had a hot meal at home and spent time with baby instead of cooking. My slow cooker has been my buddy for decades as my daughter now is 38. I got it when she was five months old.

Make a few changes, a little bit at a time, and be consistent, because baby will notice a change, but will probably settle in a couple of days. Best of luck!

— Experienced with Baby Soothing, Manitoba

Dear Experienced: These are great ideas — thanks! It’s very hard for a new mother when her baby is the wakeful type, and can’t seem to go to sleep if Mom’s still doing anything at all. These babies don’t even have to be interested in their mom’s activity to stay awake, although they’re getting more tired and cranky all the time. One of my boys couldn’t sleep until I finally lay down with him, and then he’d heave a sigh of relief and be out like a light. Sweet security, I think.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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