First move with infidelity is fessing up

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/09/2021 (1796 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in response to Guilty Girl who strayed and is now racked with guilt. She asked what she could do to fix things. (Miss L. said she should spill it, but also mentioned a one-time cheater who offered her upset partner one night to stray and even things up.)

Being somewhat older, I think it’s time to resolve this and move on. Like the old saying goes, two wrongs aren’t going to make things right. Giving your partner the OK to stray once isn’t going to fix this, and will leave lasting doubt.

Secondly, once he finds out, he may very well leave anyway, so there’s no reason to delay fessing up.

Sooner or later, he’s going to notice something is up, or word will get out on social media. Better to get things out in the open, and hope for the best.

— Time to Face it, Manitoba

Dear Time to Face it: Guilty Girl’s conscience is hurting her so badly, I predict she’s going to spill it, so she might as well do it now. If she decides to go ahead and make the offer of a “free night” to him, it could go several different ways.

He could say, “I don’t want it, but we need to go to counselling to see if I want to stay with you.” Or, he might say, “Sure, I’ll take that offer, but you’ll never know when it’ll happen.”

That’d be a form of torture, wouldn’t it? And what if he did it, and never confessed, and she worried about it all her life?

I agree she should tell her guy she cheated on him once, and that she’s terribly sorry and will never do it again. Then let him tell her what he wants to do. Who knows, he may have a cheating story of his own to confess to her! Life can be strange like that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My hot ex-boyfriend from almost 10 years ago texted me when he was a little drunk, and said he wanted to hang out again. I’m single at the moment, and got kind of excited and invited him over (it was late). We made out on the couch — and one thing led to another. Fine. We are both in our 30s, adults — albeit impulsive ones.

But here I am now a month later, and I’ve missed my period. I haven’t bought a pregnancy test, because I’m worried it’ll come back positive.

The thing is, this old boyfriend is not a bad guy and not a regular drinker, but he isn’t very responsible. He’s still hot — quite hot — but that doesn’t help raise a child. He’s Catholic, and I know he’s not a fan of abortion.

At this point in my life, I don’t know if I am either, as I have a career that pays well and I could work from home. It may be my only chance at having a baby. What should I do?

— My Blast from the Past, North End

Dear Blast: First, run out to the pharmacy and get at least two quality pregnancy kits. If the results are positive, then you need to think about the future. It sounds like you could be ready to be a mother and don’t want to end the pregnancy — and neither would the bio-father.

You two are probably not looking to marry each other, but maybe you could you be good, kind and responsible friends and parents — perhaps living close by to each other and raising this child together. Of course, you’d be sharing expenses and child care.

It’s certainly an alternative to think about, so if you’re actually pregnant, call him. You can raise a child as a single mother, of course, but give the bio-father a chance to be part of the child’s life.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography