View of women is stuck in junior high

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 11/09/2021 (1490 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my girlfriend from junior high school and I feel sick. I complimented her on how beautiful she had become and she said, “I remember when you rejected me for a girl who had a much bigger chest!” She was laughing, but I caught the undertone. I was such a jerk in Grade 9.

I tried to apologize, but it seemed to make things worse. She is an unbelievably attractive woman of 21 now and very well-built. I’d love to go out with her again. She was always so much fun.

By the way, the girl I dumped her for had nowhere near her personality. Within a few weeks, that girl dumped me for one of my friends. She told him I was, “all about boobs, and full of myself.” I guess I was!

Anyway, do you think there’s any point in trying to earn a second chance with my first girlfriend, the one I just bumped into?

— Grown Up Now, Westwood

Dear Grown Up: You may be seven years older, but you haven’t changed. You say the girl you spurned in Grade 9 is now an “unbelievably attractive woman of 21,” and “well-built, herself” and you’d like to give her another go. That’s still the first thing that matters — the looks, the size and the curves. She won’t be impressed with your offer of another chance.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently met a guy who turned out to be very religious. I’m not religious at all, but I don’t get in people’s faces about it. My issue is this: He goes to church about twice or three times a month, and has taken to inviting me to come with him. I’ve been giving him all kinds of excuses. The truth is I don’t want to go to church, as I don’t enjoy it and find it boring. He, however, really wants me to go.

I dare say we’re starting to fall in love, and this is an issue we’ve been ignoring. Something needs to happen though. I need to set a boundary with him, but I don’t want to scare him off. If he wants to believe in God, go for it, but I don’t want to have to buy into that to be with him. What do I do?

— Give Me a Sign, St. Vital

Dear Sign: You already know you aren’t on his wavelength and he’ll be going to church alone, if he pairs up with you. Sharing the same form of spirituality and going to church may be a requirement for this man to be able to commit himself to a woman. Before you get in any deeper, you need to have a serious talk. Physical attraction, intellectual compatibility and fun aren’t enough for this kind of guy if you’re going to get into a deep relationship.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My dad used to be a very social guy and the pandemic has completely changed that. He used to go out all the time, spend time with friends and hang out with his girlfriend. He got COVID in the first wave and it really scared him, so he totally stayed home after that.

He did go out twice — he got double-vaccinated when it was available — but continues to stay home since. I understand we aren’t back to normal, but he hasn’t seen his friends in ages, and rarely sees his girlfriend anymore. She called me up the other day, telling me she was worried about him, as he just sits at home and drinks now.

It’s extremely unhealthy and my dad obviously needs help, but he’s of the mindset that therapy is a bunch of nonsense. I want to help him, but I don’t know where to start. Same goes for his girlfriend, who is very worried.

— Scared Son, The Maples

Dear Scared: You have reason to be concerned as your dad has become housebound. It’s already happened to lots of people — and some who didn’t actually get COVID, like he did. Pop needs to be eased out of this and you and the family can help.

So here’s a plan: Become an “in-person” friend of his. That means seeing him face-to-face, weekly or more often. First, drop in at his place totally unannounced. Come by with a game you used to play together like Risk or Monopoly, and a pack of cards in your pocket for Rummy.

Remember, you’re not there to catch up on the news of Dad’s life — since he has none! Don’t ask: “What have you been doing?” or you’ll get a shamed, fearful or defeated response. Instead, start with: “Hi Dad! Great to see you!” If you’re a hugging-type family, give him a warm hug when you come in the door. It may be the first touch he’s had from anyone in a long time.

Throw the cards on the table, and pull out chairs. Have some stories ready to tell from the family and things you’ve been doing personally.

If he offers you booze, say “I’d rather have coffee” and get up to make a pot for both of you. Then deal out the cards and start catching him up on the family. Make sure Pop has a supply of new masks or gift him some by quietly putting them on a side table.

On the second visit, bring a sibling or cousin with you. Once you’ve had a 15-minute chat, grab Dad’s jacket and then you two hustle him out the door for drive. You’re upping the ante to three people here. Grab a coffee or burger. Then hand the keys to Dad to drive the car home, and go round to jump in the passenger seat. He needs to get driving again.

Your father showed you how to walk and go out in the world, and you’re just returning the favour.

On your third visit, go alone and ask about his girlfriend. Yes, pry! Maybe he feels he has nothing to offer her, as he feels nervous about going out to see seeing anyone. Figure out if he wants to see her, but is too shy to call. Then, when you get home, call her and suggest she just drop in with dinner in hand the next day.

On your fourth visit, if you have a dog, get your dad out to a park with you and put the leash in his hands. Do you see what you’re doing? You’re gently prying Dad loose.

Does your dad actually like dogs? Would he enjoy having a dog and taking care of it? Ask him. Walking a dog twice a day would get him back out into the world, and maybe saying hello to his neighbours again.

Now get the rest of the family actively involved in getting your dad out in the world. He may not be sick with COVID anymore, but he has an emotional issue with it, and he needs family help and love.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.