You won’t reconnect in blink of an eye

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/09/2021 (1845 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I just ran into an old boyfriend of mine from university days — almost 25 years ago. We are both in our late 40s. We used to be in love and very, um, “passionate,” but then he went away to graduate school in Toronto. We were young, and had strong needs, and drifted to other partners.

But, after all these years he’s living back in Winnipeg, he said, with his wife. He got quiet for a minute, and told me more. He’s “unhappily married, with no kids at home,” while I’m just pretending to be married, for my kids’ sake.

My husband and I are waiting it out until they’re both gone to university out-of-province, in the next two to three years. We annoy each other in a hundred ways and haven’t wanted sex together for years. My husband and I negotiated an open marriage this year, and are free to discreetly see other people. We’ll part for good and get divorced when the kids go.

I told this to my old boyfriend and he blinked hard — an old habit of his when he’s shocked. After he absorbed that information, he blinked hard again, and asked, “Are you trying to proposition me?”

I laughed and said, “Yes, I guess I am, Blinky!” He backed away, pointing his finger at me, and said, “I know where you work. I’ll get back to you.” My question is, do you think he’ll really call me?

— Waiting for his Call, Winnipeg

Dear Waiting: Oh, it’s very likely he’ll call, but stop waiting! He remembers that hot old romance. But, you’re still both living with marriage partners, and he doesn’t have an open agreement, so it’d involve sneaking. That may not be his style. Still, you’ll be at the top of his list when he’s free, or your “offer” of reconnection may start working in his mind and drive him to call sooner than he meant to.

So, do sweet nothing on your side. Just leave it alone. By the way, “I know where you work…” translates to “Don’t call me.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love the lake and want to keep going to our new four-season cabin all fall and winter this year, maybe even spending Christmas there. Later, I want to stay there and do some ice-fishing with friends. However, my wife was completely packing us up last weekend, like we wouldn’t be there past September and I wouldn’t be doing any ice-fishing. She knows I bought an insulated cabin for a reason — so we could use it sometimes in the off-season.

I asked her rather loudly to stop packing everything, including the kitchen stuff! I reminded her I wanted to come up here and enjoy the outdoors and go ice-fishing with friends. She gave me a hard stare, and kept on packing. She doesn’t want anybody staying in our cabin and sleeping in our beds, besides us.

The cabin was my idea and I paid for it, so she doesn’t get to forbid me from using it when I want! I told her exactly that, and she said: “Oh really?” Then she got in her little car and went home, and left everything out on the floor. I left the stuff there, too, and locked up the cabin, got in my van and drove home for World War Three. We had it! Now, we’re barely talking. What’s my next move?

— Silence is Deafening, North Kildonan

Dear Silence: Her living nightmare about this had to be pretty ugly to have her throw a fit and leave the lake like that. So, find out her worst fears. Could they be that you and your fishing buddies will get drunk and make a mess of the cabin, filet your fish on the floor, have women over and drive home inebriated?

Write back with what you have learned from World War Three, to receive a more complete answer. Maybe we can find a way to make things good for both of you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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