Revenge fling not likely to resolve things

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/09/2021 (1843 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: In reaction to Guilty Girl, who cheated on her boyfriend and has not told him — I’m shocked you’d suggest revenge sex! (I said some people have allowed their partner one free night of straying, but I recommended confessing, instead. —Miss L.).

Even if both parties agreed to the revenge solution, it could have far-reaching and very damaging effects. My dad used to say “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” Sadly, many don’t understand how significant and sacred this most intimate act is — physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Yes, Guilty Girl needs to confess to her boyfriend and hope he’ll forgive her, and give her another chance. She should definitely go for counselling to learn why she’d risk her relationship and betray her boyfriend’s trust for a brief bit of pleasure. Guilty Girl, we’ve all do stupid things at times and need forgiveness. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t forgive you, God does.

— Live and Learn, Manitoba

Dear Live and Learn: “Confession is good for the soul” is another old saying, but it can often end a relationship in five minutes. Most people feel guilty if they try to hide an episode of cheating, and really need to confess, no matter what the result. But there’s a whole panorama of feelings about cheating in the responses that follow.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Guilty Girl cheated because she thought it’d be fun and exciting, and she’d never done it before! Would she jump off a cliff for the same reason?

“Ending the relationship would be unfair?” she says. Unfair to whom? Poor little cheater obviously doesn’t love him as much as she says! How would she feel if the tables were turned?

— Hard to Sympathize, Winnipeg

Dear Hard: She’d probably be shocked and crushed if her guy confessed he was cheating on her. Clearly, this girl is immature and a risk-taker. She may find this relationship broken by her own guilt, or by the boyfriend’s rejection if and when she confesses. It’s highly unlikely he’ll say: “That’s OK, honey. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think Guilty Girl, who cheated once and will never do it again, should keep her mouth shut! How will it make it better to tell the poor guy, when he doesn’t need to know? That’s just her cross to bear.

How many married people have cheated during a long time without sex (like a long illness or being away for work for many months) and felt guilty? Lots! Maybe that guilt is just part of life.

— Not Necessary to Confess, West Kildonan

Dear Not Necessary: Guilty Girl couldn’t live with the guilt. She felt the lie physically — like she was trying to sleep “with a rock under her pillow.” Maybe other people could push the guilt away, but not this one.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I have both occasionally seen others for sex, but it isn’t cheating. With an agreement to a “slightly open” marriage, we have both seen other people on rare occasions and no, we don’t come home and report the details! It’s worked for us for almost 20 years now. We don’t feel the least bit trapped by our long-term marriage, as so many others do.

It also keeps us on our toes with each other. We don’t ignore each other, as so many couples do. In fact, I see my wife as a special gift, and love her deeply. There is no “taking her for granted.”

— Loving, Open Marriage, River Heights

Dear Open: Obviously, this works for you two, but would not work as well for most couples, who’d be torn apart by hurt and jealousy. Guilty Girl’s situation was not a mutual agreement like yours, just sneaking. Now she’s feeling sick about her secret.

Please send questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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