High time for mother-in-law moving day

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 18/09/2021 (1450 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother-in-law came to stay with us “for a few months” last March, because she was lonely. She left her oldest grandson (our nephew) in her house, which he has been loving, as you can imagine.

I really need for her to go home now! She’s trying to run our house and her precious son (my husband ) is the golden boy around here.

Mom’s bedroom shares a wall with our bedroom, so no real privacy for our flagging sex life. Also, when the kids are in trouble, they run to “Gran’s room” where she lets them in and locks the door! My husband thinks it’s kind of cute and funny, but overall he’s tired of having her live here, too.

I want her out ASAP, as I’m starting to lose it with her.

— Mother-in-Law Needs to Go, West Kildonan

Dear Needs to Go: You need your husband to commit to memory this little speech: “Mom, It’s been a nice long visit, but the summer is over and it’s already fall. It’s time to move back to your house now. We’re getting a truck and moving your stuff. You don’t need to lift a finger.”

Make “moving day” two days away (or less), so there isn’t time for much push back. There will probably be tears from Grandma and the kids, so be ready to assure the kids and Gran of lots of visiting.

Invite her over for afternoons and suppers, and if she’s strong enough to handle it, suggest she have sleepovers with the kids at her house. Then you and her darling son can have a few romantic date nights.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love Mexico! But my darling wife and I have been suffering out these COVID cold seasons in Canada because we couldn’t go to our tropical hideaway.

This year looks doubtful too, with a possible fourth wave coming. I’m depressed already, just thinking about it. What do you suggest? I don’t know how to put this… we’re definitely not poor.

— Looking for Alternatives, south Winnipeg

Dear Looking: Since money is not an issue, you could bring the resort feeling into your home, by putting a large hot tub into a room in your house. Then, convert the room into a tropical haven with potted trees, large tropical plants and exotic flowers — plus a bar and music system.

You can also find lighting that mimics the rising and setting of the sun, and casts stars on darkened walls and ceilings. The beauty of this set-up is you’ll have a little tropical paradise of your own all year round — especially important when you can’t go to Mexico.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband had a brief affair — only because I caught him. He’s still living here, but he’s sleeping in his office with a pull-out bed until I can feel good enough to invite him back into our marriage bed.

He’s scared stiff, because I’ve already talked to a divorce lawyer. I don’t want the family to break up, but I have a career and financial security, so I’m not desperate.

I don’t feel like being intimate with him yet, or, who knows, maybe ever. Can you help?

— Hurting in a House of Tension, Birds Hill

Dear Hurting: You two need a relationship counsellor like you need your next breath.

First, you need to voice all your thoughts and feelings — or as much as you can — in front of each other with an experienced referee. You go together to the first session, so the counsellor doesn’t “belong” to either one of you. Then you and your husband may wish to go to a few solo appointments.

Why? Some things you just can’t say in front of each other, because they would hurt too much and do permanent harm.

Finally, you go together for more sessions, to hash out possible solutions to the problems and see if you can find forgiveness.

You will know when you’re ready to sleep together again, but don’t leave it too long. Forgiveness, cuddling and good lovemaking can be healing. Prolonged anger and coldness can be dangerous, and make room for someone else — on his side and/or yours.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.