Practical steps can kickstart passion

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This article was published 05/10/2021 (1775 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m falling out of love for my life, and my husband. Yet, I have a beautiful home, a family that loves and supports me, and a circle of friends. My loving husband of 20 years would move the stars and moon for me, if he could. I don’t want for anything. But, l’ve just been going through the motions for the past year with him.

What is going on with me? I should be so grateful. It’s not like I’m really bored. OK, maybe I am. It’s like I feel empty inside. I used to be a fireball 10 years ago.

My husband has noticed a difference in me and is trying even harder to make me happy. I want to tell him, but I have no idea how to explain it. All I want to do when I wake up in the morning is pack my bags and start over somewhere else. Any suggestions for me would be appreciated.

— Dangerously Restless, North Kildonan

Dear Restless: You have everything, except the most important thing in our life right now — real purpose. You’re bored out of your mind being a pampered woman. Life has become one big yawn from the time you wake up until you go to sleep.

Now your brain is urging you to find a real reason to get going again — like a new job, a business of your own, a serious cause (like climate change), working hard for a charity you’re passionate about, or perhaps starting a new charity yourself.

Oddly enough, the more excited you become about important projects, the more excited you’ll be about the rest of your life, including the people. You’ll be on fire again and the blood will be coursing through your veins. That often kickstarts other passions — good news for your husband — who will be more excited about you once it isn’t his worrisome job to please you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a crush on my brother’s best friend that won’t go away, because he never goes away. He’s always over here after school and often in the evenings, playing pool in the basement.

I find excuses to go down there, like bringing them something to eat and drink. Last night, after this guy went home, my brother told me to “lay off” and that I was embarrassing him and his friend by coming down to gawk at him. “He’s my friend, not yours, so get lost when he’s over here!” is what he yelled at me.

My brother doesn’t know the whole story, because his buddy gives me looks, and sometimes winks at me, in secret. What should I do about this?

— Really Liking this Guy, west Winnipeg

Dear Liking This Guy: No brother wants to think some guy is after his sister and that he’s sexually attracted to her (yech!). Almost as bad, perhaps the guy is just flirting with her for a joke, and laughing at her behind her back.

You can “lay off” this guy and regain peace at home, or ignore your brother’s clear warning and keep going after his friend, which will end up in a nasty fight. So, stop serving food to a guy who’s secretly flirting back — and doesn’t care that he’s messing with his friend’s little sister. He’s not the great guy you think he is.

By the way, how would you like your brother hanging around whenever you brought a cute female friend over? It’s a rude thing to do.

The good news for you? People come in types. You can find other guys at school — from the sporty, artsy or funny, to young entrepreneurs, rebels, gamers or studious types. And, there will be at least a few other guys who have the same kind of physical looks as this guy who turns you on. It’s time to start looking for them.

Now, stay out of that basement!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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