Brotherly disclosure tough, but only option

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/10/2021 (1820 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My older brother’s girlfriend propositioned me for sex at the lake, after he’d just taken the boat home for the season. I’d volunteered to help lift remaining stuff into the shed for her, and take her back to the city.

She thanked me when he left, by kissing me by the shed and putting her hands on my body intimately. I had to push her away and say “no dice” because I just couldn’t go through with it. She told me I was “no fun” and laughed at me. So, what do I do now? Do I tell my brother? I feel like I should, but it will hurt him. He wants to marry her.

I know she’ll cheat on him even then. She’s a woman with no hard and fast rules and she’s gorgeous. But am I actually hurting him worse if I don’t tell him?

— Not Down for Betrayal, Osborne Village

Dear Not Down: Look into my crystal ball. In the future you can see your older brother marrying this woman. She cheats on him, as you predicted. He finally catches her sometime after a child or two is born. They split and he only gets to visit the kids. You’ll be kicking yourself because you knew it’d happen, as she’d already shown her true cheating colours by going after you.

So, my friend, right now is the time to tell your brother — before he asks her to be his wife. He may take out some of his anger on you, but it’s absolutely the right thing to do. You can be sure she’s a repeat offender, as making a play for you — his younger brother — was no big deal for her.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has some political convictions I just can’t swallow, and I fear this may be the end of things. He’s getting more and more into conspiracy theories, and becoming very vocal about it, which is embarrassing. He doesn’t preach to me yet, but he is amassing male friends who agree with him.

He’s still the same guy underneath it all — at least I hope so. At home he’s kind to our children and seemingly calm. But, the minute the kids go to bed, he watches the news, or goes on Facebook, then he starts posting things — losing some old friends and making some weird new ones.

I’ve lost my attraction to him and he’s getting scary. What should I do? Where do I even start?

— Cringing Over his Thoughts, Winnipeg

Dear Cringing: People can quickly find buddies online who believe in all kinds of conspiracy theories, and are more than willing to wind new people up and get them crowing. You can’t afford to look the other way any longer, hoping your husband will still be the same kind, calm guy he always was.

First, get yourself educated about the subjects he’s involved with, so you can argue — using facts, science and good sense. Also start making discreet enquiries about his new “friends” and their groups. Talking to a psychologist and a lawyer would also be a good idea before your husband goes much further.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s a fact. I’m a good-looking guy, but I’ve been using the dating apps now for about a year and nothing has happened. Nothing! I do start by saying I’m a good-looking guy as I’ve been told that by a lot of people, even strangers. I wonder if my profile isn’t very inviting or what?

Has digital dating made it easier to not give people a chance? I suppose it’ll always be that way now but what are some good ways a guy might meet people in real life during a pandemic?

— Not Succeeding, St. Boniface

Dear Not Succeeding: How would you like a woman’s profile that starts off: “I’m a good-looking woman.” It backfires big time, because it sounds vain and egotistical. So stop! Let them see your pictures and decide for themselves, without having to deal with what sounds like an overweight ego.

Make some plans to shore up your dating efforts once the fourth wave passes. Join some real-time mixed sports and interest groups, and do some charity work. You’ll meet kindhearted people there. Even if they’re older, some have daughters and may want to introduce the new you. Take care of yourself, of course, and dress appropriately, but forget about using your looks as a hunting tool!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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