Space, pragmatism could stoke ‘creative’ fires

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This article was published 07/10/2021 (1773 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My most recent boyfriend has been a challenge. He’s a drummer and has an emotional temperament — a bit of a sulker. Still, most of the time he has the most loving and expressive personality of any guy I’ve ever known, and I’m almost 40.

The problem is I’m also artistic (a singer and painter) and am used to being catered to. My former boyfriends have been fatherly types, with good steady money, and could afford to keep me.

Now I’m required to work at a regular humdrum job, and also be a parental type with my new boyfriend. Why? Because my drummer boy has to deliver food for restaurants during COVID, to make enough money for his share and he’s frustrated.

Sometimes I just love being with him, and sometimes I hate it, but I’m never bored. But tonight, I’m pulling out my hair. He’s being an idiot and has the door locked to his drumming space in the basement. Let him sulk already!

By the way, we usually have great make-up sex after a fight. But right now, he’s going to sulk for another three hours, I bet. I’d like to know how you would handle this situation with two artists in one relationship under one roof. Right now, I’m hopping mad.

— Emotional Night, Fort Rouge

Dear Emotional: You are actually well-matched. It’ll be your turn to sulk tomorrow night, and then you can make up, big time. I’m not joking.

Seriously, you two artistic people probably met and fell in love at just the right time. You were getting tired of being coddled by parental types and finally ready to be grown-ups together (while staying a touch temperamental, of course).

To get along day-to-day, two artistic people have to take turns at doing the boring things like cooking, half-time steady-paying work, managing your pooled money, buying groceries.

You also need to pamper each other and make love, but the trick to living together is not to be together too much of the time. You also need to be alone to refuel yourselves artistically and sexually. Too much togetherness is smothering for your personalities. No doubt you two have enough erotic energy when you’re well fed and not worried about the rent.

Best advice for you two? Play a lot of music when you’re doing the domestic things that bore you, and go for daily walks and coffees/drinks with close friends to give your partner alone time in your shared living space. Then, when you get together, spark the sexual fire between you!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend’s favourite thing at Halloween is scaring the kids as they come up to the property. I can’t stand it, as I was scared out of my socks as a kid one Halloween.

We’re adults now. This sort of thing is usually attractive to tweens, but tell me, why does a grown man still have fun scaring young kids?

I haven’t told him how I feel this year, but enough is enough! I realize he puts a lot of time into planning everything, and I don’t want to rain on his parade, but I can’t stay silent anymore. What do you think?

— His Killjoy Wife, St. Vital

Dear Killjoy: You can’t just take this thrill away without offering a fun substitute. How about a big light display and animated, scary monster figures on the lawn, with custom-recorded sound effects by your husband? Then, at least your husband isn’t jumping out and terrifying the kids, personally.

Granted, some young kids do love the excitement of being scared. But some adults — like the one you’re married to — oddly enjoy the feeling of seriously scaring a child, and that’s a bit weird.

Talk to him quietly about the origins of this, in the weeks before Halloween, and see if you can finally get him to figure it out. Maybe he’s a guy who loved scary movies and was not allowed to go to them. Maybe he’s a repressed actor. Find out if you can!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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