Youthful mom’s varying roles may clash

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/01/2022 (1391 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been holding onto this problem for a while, and it’s starting to get to me. My mom is really cool and very young at heart. She’s actually the person most of my friends go to when they need advice or have a problem. Some of them actually call her Mom.

I thought that they all loved her, but then, this happened: I accidentally overheard two of them talking about my mom when I brought her to the bar. Unbeknownst to them, I was in one of the bathroom stalls, and these two were talking about how embarrassed they’d be if their mother dressed and acted like a teenager, like my mom does.

I came out of the stall, glared at them and said nothing. I went directly to the table, got Mom up and we left. She knows something happened. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what was said.

My mom had me when she was a teenager, and gave up her young life to raise me. She missed out on so much to be the best mother to me. Now that I’m 18, I invite her to join me and my friends on a few nights out. I’m upset about my “friends” who were talking trash about her. I haven’t talked to those two since. Should I should tell Mom what they said, or should I just leave it alone?

— Loving My Young Mom, St. Boniface

Dear Loving: Your mother has two roles with the girls — mother/counsellor at your home, and teenage buddy at the bar. The counsellor part may be a good fit, but the bar persona doesn’t work so well.

Granted, the girls in the bathroom were being rude and doing some backstabbing. They don’t deserve to be near you or your mom. But, there is a point from this incident you need to take: having your mother there makes some of the girls feel uncomfortable.

Unfortunately, you can’t pretend your mom is one of your young group, thinking to give her another chance at her lost youth. You could, however, bring your mother to the bar on a special night like her birthday or when the other girls are also bringing their moms.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband has given me an ultimatum. Either I go with him to the holiday resort we normally visited to get away from this cold — or he’ll go without me. We didn’t go last winter, and he made life in Manitoba absolutely miserable!

I have a few underlying health conditions which would make me horribly sick if I was to catch COVID-19. He keeps reminding me he’s 50, and that we only have so much time left on Earth, so he’s not wasting one more second of it. It’s like walking on eggshells with him. Each day is putting such stress on me.

I can see him cheating down there if I don’t go, as there’s nothing he likes more than sex in the moonlight and the waves crashing, and he’s a good-looking guy. There are always groups of women heading down there on holidays looking for a good time — so I’m worried.

I do love this fool. How can I make him see I’d love to go to our beloved winter resort, but under different circumstances?

— Afraid to Chance it this Winter, Winnipeg

Dear Afraid: He’s heard that already, and it didn’t help. He doesn’t care about wishin’ and hopin’, and he wants action this winter. The bigger point? You can’t risk your health and perhaps your life, so he can have his way.

Since COVID could be severe and possibly life-threatening for you, your only safe choice is to stay at home through this fourth wave. So, stand up to your husband and tell him without any more tears and apologies that you can’t go with him, though he may choose to go anyway.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography