Husband has to choose you or the bottle

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/01/2022 (1392 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The last two COVID years have changed my once happy-go-lucky husband into a short-tempered closet drinker. He doesn’t know I know he’s started drinking again.

I understand he’s stressed, but aren’t we all? He stays at work or goes to see his best friend (a “former” drinker too) and comes home edgy and chomping on gum. I can still smell liquor on his breath.

Some years ago, when the kids were still with us, he was drinking heavily and got charged with an expensive DUI. His drinking just about ended our marriage. He promised he’d never drink again. As far as I know, he’s kept his promise — until now.

When he was drinking, it was the worst time in our marriage. I let him know eight years ago that if he ever started drinking again, I’d leave, and it would be the end of us. I have my own career and so does he, and the kids are grown up and gone. I make good money and could live independently now. In fact, I own this house.

I will never go through that drinking nightmare again. Should I pack him up and change the locks right now?

— On a Slow Burn, Tuxedo

Dear Slow Burn: Packing him up and putting locks on the doors in the deep freeze of winter, would be a declaration of domestic war. So, start making obvious plans for a less nasty breakup. The fact that you’re writing me, and not booting your husband out, tells me you still have deep feelings for this man, though they’re clouded by disgust.

Maybe he just needs to know you’re getting ready to say goodbye. That’ll mean he has a decision to make, ASAP. Either he gets help to stop drinking again immediately, or he’ll have to find a new address! Let him know how sad you are, but assure him you will not live with him in drunk mode.

Consider checking out Al-Anon (mbnwo-alanon.org) which offers support for people who have a friend or family member who’s an alcoholic. They can offer great help from the members’ combined experience.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The extreme cold weather is revving up my sex drive! When we’re stuck inside at home and it’s too cold for outside sports, there’s still one sport that interests me, being the all-round athlete I am.

My beautiful wife of just three years, told me this week I need to get some sex toys for men because she’s tired of “too much action.” How can there be too much of something as fun and entertaining as sex? I’m a good lover, and she tells me that, so why do we need anything but me and her? I had no idea there were sex toys specifically for men, and I don’t think I want to go into a sex shop and ask for them!

We’re practically newlyweds and she’s already making excuses. All I ask for is enthusiastic loving a couple times a day. How can that be too much? It’s normal for a healthy man my age. We’re not even 30 yet, and we have no kids getting in the way yet — so lots of privacy.

What kind of marriage is this? Will I have to resort to seeing an old friend? I do know a few ladies who probably miss me.

— Too Often Rejected, St. Boniface

Dear Rejected: It sounds like sex has gone from a sensual art to a pandemic indoor sport at your house. Since your wife is trying to send you out looking for new kinds of “sports” equipment, you might have fun checking things out. You don’t even have to leave your house.

Do some searching online for local retailers, and you can order from home. Since your wife suggested it, she might be curious enough to accompany you to one of local shops to get a closer look at some of the toys!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography